Spasm chasm redux - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Spasm chasm redux - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Dowdy's Holocaust Cabaret - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Dowdy's Holocaust Cabaret - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

europe - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

europe - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Arty Achieved - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Arty Achieved - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Early morning monologue fracas. - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Early morning monologue fracas. - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Spasm Chasm 2: Roid Rebuttal - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Spasm Chasm 2: Roid Rebuttal - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Lunch - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Lunch - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Spasm Chasm - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Spasm Chasm - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Thursday night dinner club - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Thursday night dinner club - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

On Spite fucking - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

On Spite fucking - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

On bullies - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

On bullies - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Turns out I love acting. - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Turns out I love acting. - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Lunch - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Lunch - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

surfing the spasm wave. - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

surfing the spasm wave. - Simon Dowd's MySpace Blog | Brain Reflux, relatively clean

Nerd heaven

Just watched the King of Kong, a documentary about Steve Wiebe's quest to take Billy Mitchell's world record high score on Donkey Kong. Steve is a solid honest everyman, Billy is a wanker, who dresses like Nick Cave, and whose wife's tits have more plastic in them than the video machines they are playing. All the way through he avoids playing Steve in public, sending in a gutless video tape to trounce the high score Steve has just set. Billy thinks he is a Jedi, He is, in fact, a sad sack thumb sucking, bedwetting, cunt. He got on my nerves quite a bit.
Well worth a look.

Understandable?

Walked up to Sue's shop earlier today, to get some dog treats for Abbey and Rudy. Wandered in blathering rubbish and continued to do so for five minutes. Sue then informed me as time goes on, she understands me less. something about mumbling, and constructing sentences that she knows make sense, but she doesn't get.
This has happened before. Friends of mine here have been known to sit around an answerphone trying to work out what the message i left means.
All it means is that I like you, consider you friends, and am edging you towards proper speed english. Keep up, for fucks sake! I've been talking at 2/3's speed for seven years plus. I need to get my english mumble on with my friends

The telethon

   
Nice to see them giving everyone a go, despite the high notes running away from some like startled deer. Good to see the bass player for Coldplay wearing comedy cock pants, good distraction from the relentlessly depressing tone of the show. Props out to Madonna for giving it a little bit of a dance, despite the hip replacement sitting a bit wonky. good stuff Jay z and crew. Finally thank you Wyclef Jean for reminding us what hope looks like.
Speaking of which, the Freebird finish? Genius Mr O'Brien, see you on the next network not retarded enough to get rid of talent, in favour of a vaguely amusing chin.

Thursday night dinner club

I have a feeling, that as this year unfolds, each first blog on a friday is going to look remarkably similar. Each thursday for the past year or so, Stewart has come over with a fantastic dessert he has prepared and Beth has prepared some of the best food I have ever eaten. The best dish she made last year was a perfect rack of lamb. It was so good, ro this day I can't think of it without smiling. The thursday dinner group has added a new member, Jen, who makes amazing salads.
We started last night trying Jen's home brewed cider, perfect and rampantly alcoholic. Followed this with Beth's home made cherry whisky, made with cherries from our neighbour's cherry tree. Then, the salmon.
The only problem the salmon dish has, is that I'm not sure if I've just eaten the very best dish I will have all year. I have never in my life tasted salmon as good as I ate last night. It melted in my mouth as I ate it. Paired with Jen's salad, a perfect meal.
Then, death by chocolate. Stewarts dessert was the perfect gastronomic full stop.
What did I do? I'm on jokes and product supply.
If you aver cop an invite to a thursday night dinner, do your stomach a favour, and come. I doubt you will eat better all year.
    Currently listening:
West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum
By Kasabian
Release date: 2009-06-09

Swings and Roundabouts

   
Beth told me today that I need to sort out my sleep patterns. She's right, i don't seep so much as think myself to a standstill, pass out, then awake sometime later and jog on as if nothing happened. Having had another spasm wave today, I'm inclined to go with the Miglin plan.
Having said that, top breakfast at First Watch, fun shopping at the North Market, ok shopping at Kroger, back home, quick spasm wave, whack down some Baclofen (top drug, does what it says on the tin) and now a slow glide into a lovely dinner evening with our mates Stewart and Jen. And I'm still number one in the local comedy chart. Swings and Roundabouts.

Its under the floor and really pissed off.

Beth and I were in the kitchen. I heard a sound I thought was Abbey growling. it wasn't. It was a really narked raccoon who is currently living somewhere under our floor. The bloodcurdling snarls emitting filled the dining room with the moment in a horror film where everyone realises the midnight hike in the forest was a really bad idea.
Heres hoping the animal anger management whirlwind doesn't get smart and arrive in the front room later.

Free the Progressive One! And her sister Lady Restasis

There are two women who need our help. They have been cast into the perpetual advert abyss with no sign of mercy pending. There is the Progressive One, flogging insurance as best he can in the face of insurmountable odds in the form of the shittest scripts imaginable, based in some bizzare futuristic warehouse.
Then there is lady Restasis, who attempts to sell her magic eyedrops with her alien eyes, that haunt your waking dreams as they try to pull you towards the orbit of odd.
Free these women! Let them go back to acting, or at the least, let them go home.

Oh, older then.

I actually like getting older. it would be a real push to call it wisdom, more like watching patterns repeat, and knowing exactly how badly you just fucked up, and why. One of the things that makes you realise you are aging is watching your brother and sisters kids growing up, and being called sir in a shoe shop, by a trendy 18 year old who knows as well as you do, you shouldn't be there.
Repeating patterns also save time meeting new people. You know if you are going to be friends, or if this person is a facsimile of that wanker you nearly decked nine years ago.
Brody and I were discussing comedy earlier this morning, both concluding that Chaplin's best work did indeed occur pre 1920.
Must go, I have to polish my walker, so I can go to the bingo.

The luck of the floor

   

Today Beth and I took our friend Stewart to Portsmouth, a town about 1 and a half hours outside Columbus. He had some family stuff he needed to do, so we gave him a lift. Beth and I went looking for a coffee shop to chill out in while we waited for him. It is monday, Portsmouth is shut. We ended up in a macdonalds where they actually do great coffee. I had a hot chocolate, once the red head behind the counter stopped staring at my voice which appeared to hang in front of her like a threatening space alien. This does happen every now and again. My accent is 95% proof over here. unless it isn't. Came home, ate some salad, passed out.
Barely woke up and went to the bathroom. Woke up as I realised I was not sitting down towards the toilet, but back first onto the metal scales. Readjusted, headed right and landed arse first on the tiled floor. Had I not readjusted, or tried to use my hands, i would have injured myself very badly. Props out to Yoga for MS for training me in the fine art of falling. All people who do Yoga for MS are trained to professional stunt level in falling. Cheers Jen.
Now sitting nursing a bruised arse pondering my next cup of tea.
    Currently listening:
Selected Ambient Works 85-92
By Aphex Twin
Release date: 2008-04-22

Brunch of the ages.

As my orders of fuzzy navels slowly but surely transmute into orders for fuzzy fuck knuckles my favourite type of party settles into its random but perfect rhythm. The formula is simple invite people you really like, kids, no kids over. Feed them as well as you can, set up a rampantly alcoholic table, and relax into a perfect sunday. Brunch is a party built on top conversation, no police call out (usually) and finishes whenever you like. This one ended at 8pm for me I think, having passed out in a chair watching something something Darkside.
Thanks so much to everyone who came. You made my January.

A sharp intake of death

   
The title of this blog is a little melodramatic, I just like the way it scans. Beth and I spent yesterday going around buying food for the brunch we are making today. We then made butter, which is currently forming up in our fridge. It was a great day.
I was walking from the front room to the kitchen when a familiar wave hit me. A little unfamiliar as it was in my left side rather than in my right. Everything on my left side shut down and the arm and hand turned in and began to spasm. I leant against the table and Beth put a chair behind me so I could sit down. The spasm was nowhere near as painful as those I had 10 / 20 times a day for 4 months last year. It was a reminder from my MS that figuring out how to live how I want to live is exciting and very possible. I just need to be careful.
    Currently listening:
Band Of Gypsys
By Jimi Hendrix
Release date: 1998-01-13

Inflatable Alphas

When you are at school, there is a group of popular kids who alpha it over everyone else. They have huge annoying annoying personalities. The years slide by, the cakes slide down. Now they are just huge. Their eyes are still mean, not because they over rate themselves like they used to, but because avoiding all reflective surfaces is an impossibility. We all have a few pies as we get older. these people inhale bakeries at a time. If you are young and people are bullying or being horrible to you at school, remember, time, karma and cakes, are a bitch.
10:50 AM 0 Comments(Add Comment)

10:23 on a friday night.

Its 10:23pm. Was asked to go out to a trivia quiz with Earl and Yury. Said I was still a bit ill, and I'd catch them next week. I was right. Last thing I remember was eating some ice cream around seven.  Woke up 10 minutes ago. This would have made for a shit quiz team member.
Listening to Gang of Four Entertainment, a top old punk record, angular and spiteful. Realised one of the reason I like Killdozers songs so much is that most of their lyrics are anti corporate diatribes about the midwest. Check out Porkys Dad for a tune about the perils of corporate land grabbing. I liked this band from when I was 18. Its only now that their lyrics make perfect sense.
Am currently readjusting the language in some of me new tunes, from fucking, to bloody and fucking to shagging. Scans as well, and makes them a little more palatable, though still essentially quite horrible. A little honey with your arsenic.
    Currently listening:
Entertainment
By Gang of Four
Release date: 2005-05-17

Hidden Pleasures

One of my favourite bands in the world is one that few would know. Years ago I randomly picked up a covers album, For Ladies Only. I liked it so much I then bought their album, on title alone really : Uncompromising War On Art Under The Dictatorship of the Proletariat. how can you not buy an album with a title like that? much like when i bought Terminal Cheesecakes album, Bone of a Saint.
I love people who pursue their own vision, and don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. As I said before, if you are prepared to stand behind it, and you say its art, it is. Its the herd who head for the middle ground that get on my tits.
    Currently listening:
Last Waltz
By Killdozer
Release date: 1997-09-23

Friday

   

6:07 am. woke up smiling, remembering how good last nights dinner was. Stewart and Jen came over and we had flank steak with baked sweet potato fries, Jens spinach salad and beets from the polish grocer in North Market. It was one of the best looking dishes I've ever seen, the colours blending perfectly. The taste blend was amazing. I was in charge of taste control/cheerleading.
No cigarettes this morning. Nicorette gum. I'm not trying to do the decent thing, and be a strong personality by quitting, I'm looking for the easiest way to a high I enjoy.

New Years weightloss

Lose 10 pounds immediately, by cutting off the arm you use the least. Use the remaining arm to stuff your face with biscuits, to help overcome the tragic loss of an arm.

5:33am

   

Waiting my dog out, who knows her breakfast is at 6am. This didn't stop me sharing my clementine with her, its a snack innit? Didn't stop her staring mournfully at the door in the kitchen her food lives behind. I love having a dog, Mornings start with a spark, when the jingle of the collar begins.
breakfast was 5:41 am. Proved my point, right?

Dryer murder by gum.

   
The inside of my dryer looks like a four year olds post party bib. this is because I left a full pack of chewing gum in one of my pockets. The gum sought escape, and attached itself where it could. it couldn't get out because it was within a tumbling never ending spiral. And because its a non sentient pack of chewing gum. It did clump in one area near the door in a big glob, a new life form growing to eat my clothes.
Saw Hurt locker. Well worth a watch. Saw that my clothes were not ruined. Well lucky.

4:03 am

   

Up early, again, having passed out in front of the Watchmen last night. This is the second time I've only made it 20 minutes into the film before surrendering to narcolepsy. Is this a silent review?
Sitting in my kitchen,pondering the day ahead. i'm thinking about getting my pitch in to do the Camden fringe in august,  and the songs and videos i want to do.
Mainly I'm thinking about the album. Kev sent me a great CD for Xmas, the horrors new album, which you need to listen to from start to finish in order to appreciate how well they set tone across the album.
 Nowadays we have the tendency to buy one or two tracks from an album, and then cast them into the abyss of songs that don't make our ipod playlists. Its the musical equivalent of grabbing a girls tits without having the decency to have a bit of a kiss first, then fucking her off for her slacker mate.
 Is worth the effort to listen start to finish, to get an idea of what the band were trying to achieve. Fugazi's new album is a good example, as is Kasabians. Both take you on a journey, that makes sense, and are a lot more satisfying than listening to half of one song, skipping to another, then onto half a James Brown track so you can bob your head a bit.
Fuck I'm old.

Lunch

   

Just got back from lunch with my good mate Lusher. We ate at The Skillet on Whittier again as its really good. Little cafe, unbelievably good food. One of my favourites is their grits with porcini mushrooms. Cowboy hat and black tails. Back home, about to watch The Hurt Locker, which looks great. Need a nap having stayed up all last night chucking stuff onto the net.

Not the quickest spoon in the drawer

   
Just figured out how to use the My Band application on my facebook page. its only been sitting there the whole time I've been on facebook. The app is in my wall at the top and will take you to a page which has all my songs and videos. Its been there the whole time I've been on facebook. Wonder why I'm not better known? If you are not on facebook you can get the stuff going to  reverbnation.com/simondowd. Thats been there forever too,,,,

The loneliness of the long distance tosser.

   
Years ago I saw a segment of a how hip are we tv show, which featured a bloke with a massive cock, who walked around New York in tight tiny shorts with a video camera, recording the reactions of the passersby. The irony was he wasn't a cock at all. He was a cunt.

Monday Morning

Up. 8:05 am. Dog in garden, as she has no fear of the cold's fingers of death. She's out there with a bone I bought her. she likes to chew in private. i think she believes that we might realise how tasty her present is and take it back.
Last night, having navigated my way home from the ice hockey, i had mince pies and ice cream. Mince pies are not popular over here, as the concept of dickensian Xmas strongly eludes my american brethren. Their dislike of mince pies is as nothing however, to the faces of confused anguish that occured when I dropped a christmas pudding on them a couple of years ago.
i knew when i was at the hockey that i had proper MS fatigue. One clear signal is when the back of the person's head in front of me starts to form into a face. I have no idea what does this, neurons firing oddly, vision being misdirected though memory, or, I am in fact, connected to the darkside.
 I hesitate to write about this as I know it sounds weird. It does happen to me under severe fatigue though, has done for the past 3 years. i elected not to be freaked out by it a while ago, and now just enjoy my own private horror film. My weird stuff doesn't touch that of a friend of mine in the MS yoga class who can spend upto 3 months at a time with the feeling that someone is pushing a needle into her eye. I'll stick with the ghosts thanks.
If you are under hallucinatory face formation fatigue, it is unwise to attempt to watch Antichrist. Which i did. This weirded me out far worse than the ghost faces, and I stopped watching it and put family guy on. Cartoons, bless, particularly ones that are 8 shades out of order.
Currently coffeeing up with the sure knowledge that I'm going leave Antichrist to walk its dark path alone.
    Currently listening:
Magical World of the Strands
By Michael Head & The Strands
Release date: 2001-08-21

Wether the weather be fucked

Current mood:msbollocks

Went to an ice hockey game with Andy, who had generously given me a ticket. Misjudged how far i could walk to the stadium, and arrived in a state of bollocky MS-ness. Inhaled a hotdog and  basket of chicken tenders and fries. Started to feel better. The double whisky sour also played its part. Went in during the 2nd period. Thought I was doing well until Andy pointed out I'd been asleep for 5 minutes. Took the hint, came home, leaving Andy watching his team. Ice hockey is actually great fun to watch. I'll have to try doing that next time.

Musing

I downloaded the Muse album this morning. if you don't have it, get it. This album represents what all us arty fuckers are trying to do. Present the work you have at the highest level you can achieve, and clip what we all dream of. Total flow. The moment when you bypass the conscious mind and engage the emotional core. When everything you've learned and trained for lock together, and the impossible seems effortless.
Anyone who considers themselves an artist dreams of this moment, though you don't know exactly what is , until, usually by accident, it happens. When it happens its amazing, Then you realise its your responsibility to aim for it every time you work from that day forth. Cool
No matter what you do, if you think its art, and are prepared to stand behind it, you are an artist Not everyone will like what you do, but some people will love it. This is why its your life's work.
    Currently listening:
The Resistance
By Muse
Release date: 2009-09-15

Nap failure

I should of napped. Didn't. Loaded and reloaded the dishwasher, phoned people back home, watched the news and occasionally opened my back door to try and freeze myself awake. I will make brunch. The rest of the day, hmm.

    Currently listening:
The Resistance
By Muse
Release date: 2009-09-15

5am

   

I passed out early doors last night, so I am now up, confused as to why that would be. spent an hour or so playing my guitar using my headphones and I think i have a relatively nice song written. Its certainly not as out there as the one i wrote Xmas day, which I know will eventually thrust itself into being. Going for brunch at 11, i have 5 and a half hours to fill. Maybe I'll take a nap.

Duck

3D TV. Shit idea. Is this because I have astigmatism,and it doesn't work for me? No. Its because its a shit idea. I've seen them try this at numerous points in my life, and it never works. If you want total immersion, go to a cine 2000, stand in the middle and pretend you are on a rollercoaster. Or, just go on one.
3D is an example of the thing I hate the most, people trying to force the fun. If you have to tell me how cool something is, it isn't. Go away and write some decent films, and stop wasting everyones time you coke riven soul sucking dickheads.

Early morning in Ice station Zebra.

   
Current mood:wakey-sleepy
The snow is settled in, daring anyone foolish enough, to come out and play. I have had a great morning. Having passed out early last night, i"ve been up since 5:30am. Talked to my sister, my mum and my nephew, which was a great way to start an early day. Then phoned my friend Donna, who I hadn't talked to in forever. Fantastic convo, she is one of the best friends I have, and I'm a fussy fucker. Now sitting in ny kitchen typing, figuring out how to get to my barber without vanishing into the white cold death outside my door.
Listening to Ice T's Original gangster album, which after all these years, I still think is one of the best rap albums ever made. I still think its hilarious that he ended up on Law and Order SVU. A gig is a gig and he's great in it.
    Currently listening:
O.G. Original Gangster
By Ice-T
Release date: 1991-05-14

Small getting bigger.

   
Small snow flakes began to drift down. how cute, a Xmas card day. It kept snowing, more flakes, still cute. More snow. More snow. Now its getting crappy. More snow. Now the outside of my house feels like the inside of a morgue, shrouded in the silence that only a heavy snow can bring. Don't get me wrong, its still cute.
Days like this give me the chance to sit round and work out why the description, "They always had the most fun holding each others feet," smacks so clearly of a blowjob.

The day more exhausting, but a lot of fun

   
Just spent an hour figuring out the zoom G2 guitar effects pedal I got. Its fantastic, loaded with amp models, a drum machine and a chromatic tuner. I'm gonna read up on how they all work. I took the kick it till it sings approach, which seemed to work fine. My hands don't feel how they used to, and often I don't play because I know exactly how to do what I want, I just can't quite get it. Like an old school athlete bully, full of years of pie worship, going for a jog. Without the self loathing, lack of personality, and sad heart attack.

day moving from shit to interesting

   
Today started badly. It could be the cold. It could be anything. What happened was that my right leg kicked off much like the conversion of everyone on planet earth to the master in the last Doctor Who. I sat there for an hour watching it vibrate way faster than I could consciously do it. Fascinating but knackering. I thought the day was done, then Miglin made a perfect spinach goat cheese omelette, which plugged my energy back in. Started playing with the pro-chords spp on my iphone and soon realised its fucking amazing.
Set chord progressions, boot them across to garageband, loop to infinity. Excitement like yesterday, figuring I could do the Camden Fringe, is always followed by some bizarre disintegration. Now I know I can sit in whatever happens and write tunes. Cool.

   
Up
I have been up for quite a while, having passed out in despair during the tragedy that is Indiana jones 4. Woke up thought I'll stick something else easy on. Picked Cloverfield, another cheap Pamida purchase, which I hadn't seen. Another 2 hours i am not going to get back. I 'm not buying any more cack films no matter how cheap they are. I must have already been thinking this as i spent my Xmas vouchers (thanks mum and cat) on Jean Luc Godard films and Jean Cocteau's orphic trilogy. I am quite a nerd when it comes to films. come to think of it I'm a nerd about a lot of things.
 The problem indiana and Cloverfield had was they were not shit enough. i watched a film called Hatchet a couple of weeks ago. That my friends, was crap of the highest order.

Float on Indiana

Was watching Ozu's Floating Weeds, a beautiful Japanese silent film from the 30's. I got into Ozu through Ugetsu, the best ghost story ever filmed. Unfortunately I'm a bit tired and not really up to reading a ton of subtitles so I subbed in Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal bollocks. I saw this film at the drive in, figured it was shit, but it being a drive in I couldn't really see it that well. It was cheap at Pamida and I had Xmas money. Watching it all focused and stuff, I realise my first inclination was right. It is shit, and Shia Lebouef is even more irritating in sharp contrast, if thats possible. It is Indiana Jones though, so beautiful Japanese film for when I'm awake, cack number 4 for when I'm falling asleep.

Faster faster

Installed snow leopard this evening in my mac, which has made it super quick. Saw advert today for performing in the Camden Fringe which i think i'm going to try and do. Didn't manage to get to edinburgh last year because I got ill. i figure Camden is practically a home town gig, so even if I feel rough I can still do it. Also, the temptation to piss it up constantly is a little less.

Awake at 3:08

Yesterday did go to yoga, which was excellent. Just before I went I had what I like to describe as an MS blip. every now and again the truth of what I have washes over me like a death shroud. Everything feels like its shutting down and its over. Beth has seen this a number of times , she knows that stepping back and letting the madness play out is really the only solution. Got to yoga and began to relax. We laughed all our way through and the stretching lifted me back into my version of normal.
Phoned Jen who rightly delayed our dinner, as the falling snow had eroded many drivers brains making travel a nightmare. The 10 minute trip from yoga to home took 40 minutes caused by drivers who have apparently never seen snow before.
Had dinner, passed out. Woke up and watched the last two David Tennant doctor who's which were great. Now up, looking out on a christmas card day, drinking tea and writing lyrics for a punk song that even I think may be a little too out of order. Gonna do it anyway though.

My favourite thing.

Spent two hours this morning talking to an old mate of mine Reid.We talked about all sorts of stuff, the genius that is The Wire, the gig he went to which had Wreckless Eric opening and then fililng in for Ian Dury with the Blockheads (which I dearly wish I'd seen), theories of comedy, all sorts of crap. There is nothing I like doing better.

This evening I get to go out for dinner with Jen feather, where we will chat rubbish for hours. Before that I get to go to my MS yoga class, where we will stretch and talk rubbish for an hour. Death cold aside, perfect day.

Its still fucking freezing!

Came back to Columbus yesterday, stupidly presuming that it would be a little warmer. It isn't. Back in the city you don't get the feeling of being in a Dean Koontz book, its just shitty. In fairness my hands aren't cracking in old man style quite as badly.
Read a story today that a model of Obama was hung in effigy in a small american town. Oh America, 2 steps forward, racist cunt slipback

Arctic business

-5F wind chill between -15F and -25F. Took Abbey out to sort herself out before we head back to Columbus. She stared at the golf course, ate the snow off of her squeaky hippo, and then brought her squeaky friend back in the house, where she is curently performing a one dog rave.

What do you mean its fucking colder???

Its fucking colder. We've been down to -5F this evening. not as bad as John and Kate up in bloomington, where it was -10F Neither of these touches the -50F wind chill that Ollie has been facing fixing skis in Banf.
 -5F is more than plenty for me. I sat on a chair in the garage earlier on, and slowly realised my arse was burning with cold. Beth and I are looking forward to going back to Columbus tomorrow where its 16F. Midwest winter summer.
Spent today staying away from outside as much as possible. Only went out to let Abbey do her stuff. Felt bad for her, having a shit in Ice Station Zebra is no fun, human or dog.
I'd love to tell you I spent today doing something positive, in fact I spent most of it putting lotion on my hands, to stem the tide of skin necrosis. I think my hands are now 95 or so.
Not all bad. Beth made a fantastic chilli and a strawberry rhubarb pie. Made my old man hands twitch with glee.

1F feeling like -14F

Its SCI FI distant planet cold. Its so cold my dog doesn't want anything to do with it. The ultimate sign to stay in and wait for spring. 1F is -17 celsius. This is why when you tell me its really cold in england, I tend to snort. Just had to moisturize the skin on my hands which is cracking across the knuckles.
I've learned some fantastic drink combinations in the past few days.
 New years eve: Leslie brought grapefruits from Florida and made freshly squeezed grapefruit and vodka cocktails. Unbelievable, and incredibly dangerous as they drink like pop.
New years day:    Went to the golf club, had excellent homemade soup, then copied Dean and all had fuzzy navels, which is peach schnapps and orange juice. Potentially more dangerous than fresh grapefruit and vodka.
Evening:    Pizza from Monicals. The pizza is great, the real star is the french dressing you can get with it. Its in a little tub and looks nuclear red/orange. Its so good that you could eat the box the pizza comes in, as long as the dressing was on board. Monicals pizza actually comes in a brown paper bag. This does not scan as well as a pizza box.

New Years resolution?

   
Category: Life
This morning I had a marlboro light. Then I sparked up a marlboro menthol light to cleanse my palate. Its the cancer world equivalent of combining Jelly Bellys to make a special flavour of your own. My resolution turns out to be not stopping bad habits, just employing more imagination to the process.