Easter Feaster.

Having slept through brunch, after 3pm no one can cook eggs, Beth and I went out to find somewhere open to eat at. We knew The Jury Room was open until 11 so we thought we'd have a drive around and see what was about. Went unto Clintonville then back down high street. Drove past The Pearl and thought lets give it a go. Great restaurant, fantastic food, I'd definitely go back there. now full as you like. More nap, less eating.

Smart Things To Do.

I've made plenty of mistakes, some of them fixable, some perpetually pending. There are certain things I've done I feel have proved to be right.
Music; My Grandad taught me love of music when I was tiny. I started playing guitar when I was five. I've never regretted either of these.
Reading; My dad had us reading aloud to him very early. Love of reading, never regretted that.
Colour Blind; I was brought up to accept everyone. very cool.
Travel; I was brought up to be comfortable with being with not knowing and learning..
Education; Mum and Dad were very specific. go to university! LSE Years down the line I know realise how important that was.
Do what you want; Once my Dad saw me in front of hundreds of disgruntled audience members at my 8th ever gig he said, "If you can take that, do what you want." I did. MS dictated I do otherwise. I've never regretted not walking/limping away when I should have.
Marrying Beth; The single smartest thing I've ever done.
Moving to America; worked out just fine.

Easter Sunday mourning.

Its still dark. Its a quarter past seven. Fuck. where is spring? It was alright yesterday, a day where you could look at cooler clothes seriously, think about eating out in the park, lovely. today? Rubbish. Not as rubbish as the last couple of weeks, but a dark crappy throwback none the less.
Thats what you get for moving Easter up. Its days like this that convince me living in Jamaica as long as possible during the winter is a really good idea. Having had a couple of weeks to get over fab holiday! touch, I realize this is a smart move, that we need to work out.

Easter before April.

This year rushed into spring. A little too early as winter had no intention of vacating.We just hit Easter Sunday according to our sprung forward clock. We leapt forward weeks ago, the morning Beth and I flew to Jamaica. Jamaica is in the same time zone and doesn't leap forward. We killed ourselves getting to the airport, flew through Atlanta, touched down and went back to the time of the day before. Jamaica is trippy enough before chucking time travel into the mix.
England sprang forward this evening. Having been six hours ahead, we are now back to five. Second time travel in the last month. Enjoy Easter, snow no snow. Eat your chocolate, thats all we really care about, having had the church descend into a kiddie fiddlers dream defence team.

Hmm....

Knock, knock. "We were just driving past,can we trim your trees?" first thought, I don't know you. Its Saturday. Fuck off. Second thought, Bargain! Who will win? job done. Excellent! Commonsense wins!

Tick Tock

MS dictates that I live in a hyper reality. I never know day by day what my situation will be. I know for a fact its going to be tricky in a way no one else can see. I spent years covering up the problems I had. I've come to the conclusion 22 years in that this is a waste of effort. I rarely if ever asked for help. If I did so it was almost churlish, the help was needed but not particularly wanted. It was appreciated but wrapped in the annoyance of having to have it at all. 22 years of that.
I've changed my mind. Having run MS with no help from drugs, I threw the drugs my Dad generously bought back from the States in the bin 20 years ago, I now happily trot along to the infusion suite once every 28 days to get a dangerous but effective helpmate plugged into my blood. When Beth and I go to gigs we go to the disabled section, great seats, sit back and chill out. I ask for wheelchair assistance at airports, get driven through crowds and get to my gate soon time.
 I dumped performing outdoors because its too risky and costs 2 to 3 months to recover. My price for doing it is now so high, I've priced myself out of the market. I did that deliberately.
Film? different. Indoor work, tricky but do-able. Voice over? Yeah. Writing? Definitely. Though I got wiped out for a month or so and am currently running/limping in the 11th hour once again.
This has meant I've had to ditch travel plans for now as I fix what can be fixed and reset for another go.
Sounds awful, after 22 years my conclusion? It is what it is. MS sets the clock, you never know how its going to go and live adjusting all the time. You will hear options you can't quite believe, accept them and take no shit off of anybody, ever. Its an interesting way to have to live. I wouldn't recommend it, but it is do-able.

Old ways.

Amazon. Did well, now sticking up the third party retailers who put them there. Not a shocker, but the speed of the internet dictates they've got problems coming they can't see yet. I'd sort that out sharpish if I were you. Get someone who isn't stuck in the way things were to take a look.

Scramble.

I just looked back over what I've been putting up. I was pleased to come back to blogger, twinged my back, whacked myself out on Percocet and got typing. I knew it would look a little fractured, fun but unclear as to what I was driving at. I now think, that's just how I am. There's sense to be found, you just have to dig a little. I figure if I have to do it....
Some may want a theory or facts presented nice and clearly. Fair enough, I really like those websites. Its like comedy, if I could do a family friendly well constructed set for all, I would. There's a load of money in it fora start. i find that I'm not interested in working that way. I like going straight for the borders and playing, not caring how people think, more interested in playing against fear and intolerance. Not as much cash in that.
 Maybe I should buy a nice jacket and play,"Have you ever noticed...?" Can't do it, I have a lot of respect for those who can play that way. Its way more difficult than it looks.
According to the hints my neurologist dropped, I have a brain and spine covered in a hundred or so scars and lesions, some active, some chilling out. So I'll just play how I like, see what happens.

Treat People How They Play

Treat How People How They Play

I always go into meeting somebody new with the hope that I’m going to be dealing with someone decent. We will take that minute or so to feel each other out then relax and enjoy whatever it is we are doing. Some don’t play that way. They are happy making others uncomfortable, so they can achieve, what? Never seen the point myself. 

Thats what makes them happy, so play them exactly the same way. They don’t need to like it, its just how their world goes.

Fridge Abyss

"Si" is fiine. "Mr Dowd" I did something." "Sir can I have a quick word?" Apocalypse for the fridge. Fortunately the Percocet has kicked in. Outside of having to write the cheque 3 times, dates, formation , time zones and such, I had a great time. The merry abyss awaits.

Odds

Yesterday I found out what my odds of death with the drug Im doing are. 11,000 to 1. These are great odds, more likely to be struck by lightning. It is sobering to hear the odds, laid out so matter of factly. If I pick up the JCV virus my odds go down to a 1000 to 1 and keep reducing until I can't handle the risk any more. This is why approaching me with bullshit that doesn't mean anything is such a waste of time.

Second Best

I just got to hear something you don't hear from America that much. The Miami Heat's unbeaten run that was challenging the Laker's win streak from the 70's is over, they were beaten by Chicago last night.
Its not fair to say that America doesn't recognize failed effort. We are used to only hearing of the victorious in the rest of the world. America has a lot of time for nearly, nice try. Those efforts tend to do OK and get their own documentaries. They are often seen as the precursor to the ultimate victory of the players. Not always, they get there own follow up documentary, Nearly Never.
Bands and musicians get coverage when their success descends into drugged apocalypse. Whatever come back they manage is looked upon with a favourable eye. The Bless documentary.
Those jailed get their own films, their crimes paraded until their fall is lovingly recorded. It is quite up its own tush but human nature means we are fascinated.
Looking forward to the next jaw dropping doc. Really?

Adjustment.

I'm going in to get an MRI next Thursday. I'm going to book in for some Aqua PT. I'm going to get healthy, eat better and shed the fat nacker. I have to do this. The Tysabri really helped me out, miracle cure it isn't. I had this year planned out infusing once a month and then jetting off going wherever I wanted. This has proved somewhat delusional. Having opportunity presented is not the end of the job, Its the beginning. Time to join in and do the work.

What it is.

My new neurologist is exactly what I needed. Having the problems and the possibilities laid out is incredibly helpful. Doesn't mean that they are fun or that they are not shit scary. They just are, and that makes everything a lot easier to deal with.

Marriage.

Being as we have royally screwed the marriage thing up, get out of the way and let our gay brothers and sisters have a go. We may learn something.

Day starts.

Coffee done. Breakfast, yoghurt and cinnamon cereal. Then, get ready, ramp down the back as best I can, then meet my new neurologist. Sounds cool, lets see if he does the, "You're still alive? Blimey. How do we fix it? Don't have a clue to be honest." Bless. It takes a lot of training to pitch ignorance with that level of confidence.

Dog Chorus

The sound of the dogs calling across the gardens, "Spring you toilet! Outside. Now!" Abbey then shuffled back into the house with the lower pitched,"come on winter, we've all had a good time....best to leave , eh?" Then, dramatic slump to the floor, snooze and wait for message to take effect.

Primary.

Its good to know where your first instinct lies. Mine is to call the ridiculous out where it stands. I've found over the years that I don't care how important the holder of the bullshit flame feels they are or indeed is, I call how I see, always, I can't help it. This can be tricky, uncomfortable, slightly dangerous at times but for me, is always essential. The world needs balance. When power is unchecked and blindly followed, we get into all sorts of shit. That, and I find pushing the buttons of the self regarding hilarious.

Dream Orchestrate.

Just woke up, the rest of the day a briefly pingy, druggy, distant dream. I have vague memories of sleeping around the house. Evidence of movement?  Glasses of water and such would indicate that this is so. Or, that I started my own bottle orchestra in my sleep. Mmm, would explain the tunes running in my head.

Swings and Roundabouts.

On the one hand I am fairly crippled by my back which I twinged stupidly yesterday. Walking down to a little as I can get away with.
However, I spend my life negotiating with being able to walk.Last year I had to spend 5 months re-learning how to walk. MS had hit apocalypse mode. I read my MRI reports 2009-3011, they read like a obituary for a life tragically taken. Bugger. Led me to Tysabri which I have infused once a month. Acts as a protective barrier in my blood and stops the attacks. Works great, can kill. Swings and roundabouts. So bad back = no walking. The Percocet I've taken to help it out, pleasantly trippy and lets my mind wander wherever it would like. Swings and roundabouts.

Perkycet

What I got for calling my first post back in two years Back, was a nice twinge as I pulled a muscle in my back giving Abbey some water. I've had back issues before, its amazing how quickly you know you're fucked and there's nothing you can do about it except sit staring at the telly with an old man whisky face.
 The old blokes who sit laughing at the bar shift slightly in their seat, then laugh no more.
However, Percocet, can make this nightmare a lot more fun. It may still hurt, but I don't care about it a lot, enjoy the telly a lot more, moving from intense murder programs to lighter fare, where laughing doesn't cause half as much pain. Bless.

Back.

Back. I haven't looked at blogger for two years I think. i always enjoyed chucking stuff up, then gigged England and a picked up a troll whose lovely messages made me ditch blogger and run across twitter and Facebook. Anyway fuck him/her/it. If you hate me read something else, it ain't gonna change, much like the unloved, friendless, sexless existence which dawns like a dark cloud for you. Bless. Right. Earth's burning, Pope with one lung running the Catholic church kiddie fiddling camp, Jimmy Savile? Its not that we didn't see it coming but WTF! More to come.