Death Chat

Today I read that there are a number of chats being organized about death in cafes across the world. They are to make people more relaxed and better organized for their passing. Goody. The feeling is that people should start dealing with death while they are younger.
As someone who is going for a useful yet potentially lethal infusion this afternoon, I'd say, relax. When I first started doing the infusion I knew what the risk was. It took me a long time to accept I needed the infusion, my MS destroying my walking turned my head somewhat. I was told last year my risk had got worse, then that they made a mistake, and the risk was still the same. These were a few interesting months. I see why you would want to have the death discussion. As someone who looks it in the eye all the time, I'd say chill until you have to. Enjoy the cake.

Freeze.

The weather is beyond shitty, get it wrong, its lethal. This means the New Year gets to stagger into being. every New Year has a stagger start. Bills I'd decided to leave alone, its christmas! Happy new year!, have gone nowhere. They have sat waiting patiently waiting to fuck up the start of 2014. To be fair, could say this about the start of any year. You would think I'd have figured that out by now. Nope. Ah well
 The extra twist over here is the reboot of health insurance at the start of every year. Bless.
Having said that, this year looks better than 2013 already. Having spent months in a haze last year, I'm at least clear that the start is a bit clunky but spring is going to turn up eventually. Having spent the last couple of years infusing every 28 days, I'm used to it. It may or may not happen today, but it starts over soon, for another years worth of fix versus serious risk. I'm weirdly comfortable with it now, I know the potential for awful, I prefer walking.
Despite the weather, I figure this year cannot hit the months of freeze that last year did. I could do with it warming up, the dripping tap that keeps my pipes from exploding is driving me to confess to stuff I don't even know about.

Week

Having just watched the grammys attempt at "They Shoot Horses Don't They?", we are now awaiting the massive freeze which the weather people inform us is upon us. I don't think they are kidding.
The week went well, breakfast with Jenn Feather then yoga on Monday.The Wailers on wednesday. great gig, after getting past the fumbling fingers of the determined searchers at the door. Didn't work, clouds of dope went up like a mini Pompeii and dub was done. Judging by the Cd's and t-shirt acquired, I may have been a little squiffy. Breakfast with John Feather followed by recovery Thursday. Friday, went shopping at The Hills which combines some very nice prepared food with a "It cost what??!!" to end. Rudy, our neighbours dog came over. He is staying with us for 2 weeks, while our neighbours Fran and Paul are in Aruba. Dogs getting on well. Snow, all over the house.
Monday looks to be shit, but better than Tuesday. If you happen to know what happened to us last Tuseday? That would be lovely.

Hellraiser

Interesting week. Weather shit, which puts MS in a bit of a spin. Spent some of the week piling through the Hellraiser series of films on Netflix. As the films went on I ended up string there going, "Put the toy box down! Stop rubbing your thumb on it, no good is going to come of this." They would then open the box, the demons turn up, everyone gets ripped to bits and sometimes the idiots who opened it win, . Or do they? Weather improved a bit.
Off to the Red Brick with our mate Stewart to drink a lot of very nice beer and eat Jamaican Jerk pizza. recommended. Weather put its shit hat back on. MS back on the Wavy Davy side.
The rest of the week somewhat of a wash, though the new AT and T cable is nice. Saw an advert for Dump cakes, made by someone who has never had a friend stand up and declare, "I've got a turtles head poking out, I'm off for a dump."
Saturday morning, up,  for an explantation of how tragically screwed everyone is on debt. Lovely. Coffee I think.

Fall-tilism

I fall over, quite a bit. My most recent was walking to top notch pit seats on Friday to watch We Will Rock You, the Queen musical. If you had read pretty much any review, you would be expecting a horror show of gargantuan proportions. The first song does not help, and made me wonder when the boat was docking, so we could have a wander on the beach. Cruise-tastic. I sat and thought, oh no, its going to be shit. Then, the second song started. The girl playing Scaramouche knocked the crap out of  Somebody To Love. She tore it to pieces. My mistake, this is going to be great. It was. The story, rubbish. The acting, outside of Scaramouche,? Bless. Was it entertaining? You bet your hat! Did I spend the next two and a bit hours grinning? Yep. Would I go see it again? Not right now, but I understand why its been running in London for 12 years.
The fall. I walked too quickly towards my seat, didn't see the raised tape over the cables, narrowly missed taking out a woman and her walker, crashed into the stage, nearly took out the foldback speaker on the stage.. In front of everyone. I got up quickly, briefly considered bowing, and made my way to my chair. Did it hurt? A bit. Acting is not  an option. unless you have a play I can sit down through.
I don't know if its still on, but the Queen musical is a ton of fun, unless you don't like Queen, in which case, walk away.

Reason

Today is freezing cold. Is this some sign from the heavens? Of course not. Is it a result of us fucking the planet up for decades? Yes. Some will read yes as an unthinking preference for science over faith, that I should be bothered that I lean towards the real world rather than a fantasy land I should be leaning to, so i have somewhere nice to look forward the day when I die and rot or burn, I haven't decided yet.
I just had a message that my blog failed to save itself, which it should do. I know this is just a glitch, but the superstition that gets piled on with a trowel gives me a half seconds pause. Stupid, but this way of looking is ingrained, a way of feeling there are other powers looking out for us, it can't possibly be down to me. It is.
If you asked me if I'd ever seen a ghost I would tell you I have seen a lot of people I knew were not there. Are they ghosts? I had to answer this question as it has happened to me over and over again, always when I am suffering MS fatigue. It was so bad I asked a neurologist years ago if this was normal. He smiled, leant back and said, "Everybody does that!" I think his cheery response may have come by dealing with a lot of neurologically damaged people.
MS is often spotted as the eyes are backed by pale optic discs. They cannot be repaired and leaves the user with the knowledge that thats your lot, get on with it. Weird, in that living relapsing remitting means that certain things will improve for me, just not that. Hang on. Thats not true.
I haven't seen figures that aren't there for a while. I know now that they are created by the loss of connection between my eyes and my brain which builds a sense of what is in front of eyes, rather than what is actually there. Sounds terrifying, is a bit. Its like having all those things you think you catch out of the corner of your eye presented in front of you for 5 seconds, then vanishing.
These figures are built from the inability to discern the pile of clothes or anything that is front of me and building a form I can deal with. Optic Neuritis, not ghosts.
Yes, but don't you do Yoga? Aren't you a second level attuned Reiki healer? Yes I am. Does it sound like a load of hokey bollocks? Yes. Does it work? Yes. Do I punt it at all and sundry as the only answer? No.

Sleep typing.

Here I sit, early morning January 1st 2014. Cold. Really cold. So cold Abbey keeps zooming out into the garden, taking a breath, shaking her head in disbelief, and then running back in. 

Coffee, a banana and the belief that it must be a short winter right? Its not normally this cold until the new year….Bugger.

11 years in America, what have I learned? If the best things in life are free, they don't live here. That you are fiscally responsible for your  sickness, as its your fault. God wants you to pay. Right? The drugs work-ish but may kill you.  Your fault, you didn't read the warnings carefully enough.

 The food can be great, or made of sawdust and broken dreams. Did you read the instructions? Type if you like, make it fun, you don't want to bore the spies. Live by whatever made up events are coming up, a welcome distraction from whatever disaster is rolling in.

 I really like it here. I like my bullshit served up in a loving consistent fashion, so I know what I'm dealing with. America is a lot of fun, the people are great, the politics shit, but not full of chinless wankers whose daddy owns land his daddy and his daddy before him stole from the peasants. Hang on,  well not the posh tosspots I can live without. 

However difficult America can be, its a laugh living here. Lots of opportunity to do what I want, when the drugs work and I can toddle out and about. 

2014 reset, take another crack at stuff. One thing, stop applauding mediocrity wildly every time I accidentally turn on a shitty talk show. You're giving me a headache.