considering thinking about getting ready

Current mood: sleeptermined
Category: sleeptermined Life

Lumped out on me bed listening to tunes on the ipod Beth got me for Xmas. We have 3 parties to go to this evening. Really want to go to all of them, feel like going to sleep until Jan 4th. This our last New Year in Columbus, definitely moving to Chicago asap, so better go out on a burn. Last stop 11 onwards will be at Thurmans for anyone who fancies it.....

Currently listening :
Relationship of Command
By At the Drive In
Release date: 2004-11-09

You want chilli sauce with that my friend?

Current mood: filmic doom

The air outside Beth's mum ad dad's house sounds like waves crashing on a rocky beach. Cool, but we are thousands of miles inland. The air in Illinois is lurching like a pisshead weaving his way home with a 2 am babby, spraying doner, lettuce and chilli sauce all over the place. For londoners, its that localised whirlwind that whips up the leaves, blown up to armageddon proportions. The weather that they send idiot weather people over here to stand in, to show how stupid it would be to go outside. Like being in an end of days film. Cool......

Currently listening :
Strange Days
By The Doors
Release date: 2007-03

The Chinese

Current mood: rangoony
Category: rangoony Food and Restaurants

Just back from meal 3 of the day. Asked what the name of the restaurant was. I was told "The Chinese" I said it must have a name, surely? this went to "Its been here forever. Its the only one, until finally a name rolled out "Yen Ching" Thanks Yen Ching. Top food and my new favourite, crab rangoon. I avoided crab rangoon for years, always sus on what rangoon meant. Turns out it must mean cream cheese. Wish I'd know this years ago, although I think my arteries are grateful I didn't. Props for the vicious chinese soundtrack, like eating in a major battle in an episode of The Water Margin.
New plan, leave tomorrow really early for Columbus. Sounds a lot like the old plan.....
Wind currently blowing at death level around us. We are living in Twister again. For a crappy film, Twisters basic concept really has some legs.

Currently listening :
Eastern Sounds
By Yusef Lateef
Release date: 2006-07-1

Edit, the bastard

Current mood: busy doing nothing

Got tons of gigs that I field recorded. Need to cut out bits and put them up. Tried to put me and Rhonda's Xmas special up, way too big. I have the stuff to do the edit. I love the gigs and the songs. I have to get my arse in gear and do it. Help me magic coffee, cure the idle comic, who just wants to sit on his arse, watch crap TV and try and remember the funny bits so he can repeat them on stage for money. Shit. One of our great secrets out of the bag. Um, Move along please, nothing to see here......
When it doubt german pyschedelia, see below.
The Magma album is psychedelic. Its also an amalgam of Philip Glass, Wagner, Falco, and a march across the Polish border. Elegant, technically perfect and ever so slightly fascist. Lovely.

Currently listening :
Mekanik Destruktiw Kommandoh
By Magma
Release date: 2004-01-01

Dowdy's stuff

Buffalo? Ted Nugent?

Current mood: RAWK!!!!!

Miglin is playing Guitar Hero so well that Ted Nugent turned up on stage riding a buffalo and challenged her to a guitar duel. Aced that, now they are on stage at a virtual stage fair playing stranglehold. We are never sleeping again. This game is now mainlining adrenalin and rocky stariness...

Currently listening :
Double Live Gonzo!
By Ted Nugent
Release date: 1990-09-2

Props out to Pauly B and Punky Radio

Current mood: grateful
Category: Friends

Paulyb put Burning Orphanage on Punky radio's Xmas special as the anti-festive tune of the season. I wrote and thanked him for the buzz he helped me with. He wrote back saying while he was happy to help , he didn't think he'd helped that much. Hmm.....
Dec 23rd Orphanage goes out on Punky Radio
Dec 25th Put tune on reverbnation.
Dec 29th. Gone up 2500 places on the comedy album charts on reverbnation.
Thank ypu for theminimal help you threw my way Paulyb.
So everyone go listen to Punky Radio. Its excellent and Mr Edwards is hilarious,
Lets see if my minimal help can do even a 10th as much as you did for me.....

Currently listening :
Rare Earth in Concert
By Rare Earth
Release date: 1989-08-24

Same old Dowdy, always eating. (tune of Big Ben chime)

Los Torros Top Mexican
Current mood: full getting fuller
Category: full getting fuller Food and Restaurants

Back from dinner. Excellent mexican food. really fresh and not too heavy. About to ruin the shrimp chimichanga health food regime with a big slice of cake and whipped cream. Just got dessert, make that a slice of pecan pie and a big slice of cake.....

Currently listening :
La Bamba
By Original Soundtrack
Release date: 2008-01-13

I blog now, just in case...

Current mood: hungry
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

About to go out for food. don't know what kind. Know that it will have a sophomoric effect. Whatever great idea may occur while I'm out, will probably be lost in a blissy sleep. Take it as red, it was a corker......

Currently reading :
Calculation of Drug Dosages: A Work Text
By Sheila J. Ogden

Sip from the glass and drink from the cup

Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

No movement until the morning. Cool. I'm ready to settle back into a big soft cushion of bugger all, sinking down into blissy sleep. Now on Twitter, which is really good. It updates on my facebook and myspace, so I get to spout even more crap on a daily basis. I'm a global bullshit fountain, painting the inter-air with ideas of nebulous, dubious worth.

Currently listening :
My Field Trip to Planet 9
By Justin Warfield
Release date: 1993-07-13

Honeybake the ham and bless the room....

Decisions, decisions....
Current mood: food drugged
Category: food drugged Life

We are supposed to be on the road to Columbus. A ham sandwich food coma means we have just woken up here in Illinois. Its 3:30 pm, 4:30 pm Ohio time. Do we go or chill out and stay, leaving tomorrow morning at 6 am? My vote is more drugged ham, more blissy sleep, and an early start...

Currently watching :
Reefer Madness
Release date: 2002-07-30

More about me.....

Current mood: froggy

Simon has just sent off a resume. He is being interviewed by the Columbus Dispatch sometime this week. Simon believes that talking about himself in the third person is a sure fire way to hurl himself into an ego-chasm.

Currently reading :
Being and Nothingness -
By Jean-Paul Satre -

Boxed

Modern Dictation Reality
Current mood: ass-kicked
Category: ass-kicked Life

You stand focused and a little nervous. Fists cocked you channel The Quiet Man, and what you remember of the Marquis of Queensbury's rules. The clock counts down. You tense. You are nervous, but prepared. The bell sounds and you throw out an inquisitive left hook. Your opponents fists blur before you and your head starts rocking. One minute later you lie eyes unfocused, pummeled into the mat. You have just played a 6 year old girl at Wii boxing.

Currently listening :
The Cure - Greatest Hits
By The Cure
Release date: 2001-11-13

Beer, beer, i needed some beer....

Sober over-eating sucks
Current mood: bursting to be fuller

Pissed eating is a trip to the omnivore fair. Every ride and taste a thrill-ride, that you know will make you sick, but its so exciting. Pissed over eating can take you to places you didn't know existed. Microwave kebabs? Genius! They'll go with the one's I've already had.
Sober is a futile attempt to see gluttony as a plus.
"Its cold, I need the fat to see me through until spring."
The good angel grows on your shoulder like a giant bird shit, ruining focus and making you remember that gym membership you don't use.
Gotta go, i think there is some pie left.......

Nice Party

Back from John and Kates. Mates started turning up with their kids 4:30 or so. Just left, its about 11pm. Top party. Played charades with clues that made no sense, "Blah, blah. blah" What do you do with that? More than you would think.
Learned that Guitar hero is best played by kids, women and none musicians. I've played guitar since I was six, and I'm shit at it.
Told things I shouldn't know, happens most parties, and had a great time with our friends, their kids and their families.
Stone cold sober deliberating food. Sober over-eating takes some rationalisation.

Currently listening : Guitar Hero 3 By Original Video Game Soundtrack

Illinois Death Weather Gone

The Day After Yesterday
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life

Illinois flooded. It did not blow away. Looked like it would for a while, but the clouds never got to death level. If the sky goes jet black and starts to spin, virgin or not, you are fucked.
Went to john snd Kates in the evening, through bad but not lethal rain. Only worry was there were 80 mile an hour gusts knocking about. Stay in surely? Would of, but we were touring Guitar Hero, and the gig must go on.
Had fantastic chinese, drank cranberry vodka, then narco'd out for a few hours. Awpke with Beth and Kate ready to rock. And rock they did.
Igf you have never heard Killdozer, do yourself a favour and get the album below. They are excellent and not what you would think....

Currently listening : Uncompromising War on Art Under the Dictatorship of the Proletariat By Killdozer Release date: 1994-03-14

Herself arrives.

Current mood: bit breezy

Sitting under a tornado watch at Beths mum and
dads house. TV sputtered to live with all sorts of dire warnings and instructions of what we had to do. Carl and Jan went to the basement. Beth and I sat upstairs looking out of the picture windows eating pie and drinking coffee.
Amazing sight. The clouds dipped right to the ground and began to slowly rotate. Bad sign I think. Beth's answer was to rock out guitar hero style in the face of the coming appocalypse.
As I type ,the warnings just started spraying across the TV again. I think living in a city is the best option....

Currently listening :
Don't Fear the Reaper: The Best of Blue

The Joy of Guitar Hero.

Current mood: rocked out
Category: rocked out Parties and Nightlife

Beth awakes. Her first statement?
"I'm gonna have a cup of coffee,then I'm gonna rock out!"
Beth and her brother were playing together against the Wii. It went bad and they got booed off. John's next statement?
But you were playing the Bass!"
This games rocks, in a slightly scary, voyage to the Hendrix Wickerman sort of way.

Currently listening : Experience Hendrix: The Best of Jimi Hendrix By Jimi Hendrix

Call the banshee, she will come.

Current mood: blustery

Its raining, under that wind that all mid-westerners know and fear. We are under a tornado watch. The temp went from sub-zero and is on its way to 60F way too fast. The air is preparing to belch. No one knows where. Know that watching Twister last night was not a smart idea.
Took Abbey out. She looked around, twitched, gave me a fuck this for a game of soldiers look and double-timed back into the house.
I should know better. Bambi and Watership Down tried to teach us, if an animal takes a look at something and rushes off the other way....?
Something shithouse this way comes.
I'm the idiot who likes to stand outside when the air gets supernaturally still. This means you are in the eye of the storm. If it comes your way you are dead.
I love american weather, it does not mess about. Hot, cold, raining, windy. It will kill you if it can. Bless.

This supermarket is genius

Current mood: impressed with store

Category: impressed with store Fashion, Style, Shopping

Earlier this year, same supermarket, I went in the wrong aisle 8 things or whatever that shit is,all I knew is that aisle said tobacco. Girl tutted and looked at the sign.
I said, "Shouldn't have let me unload then. Ring it up."
Big sigh from the bloke behind. Turned and looked at him. He had one apple. One apple!
I said, "Is there a William Tell party I'm keeping you from?"
"Girl behind the counter said, "There's always one."
I said, "Yeah. don't worry about it.'
Then realised she was talking about me.
Fuck you charisma minger! Ring it up.
I love this store.

Its Herself

.
Current mood: fritty kid
Category: fritty kid Dreams and the Supernatural

Its morning, I woke up. I am alone. Just messing. This morning Illinois is being swept by the wind direct fom Baskerville Hall. Beth's mum and dad live on a golf course, so the banshee has free reign to swoop, gathering the fear of Irish catholics like myself, so riddled with superstition, that I keep my eyes closed outside in case I see herself and the rest of the house drops dead.
Its my grandad's fault. The greatest ghost storyteller ever. He started every tale by telling us, "I don't believe any of this, but this is what I was told..." His tale of the gray lady when he was a sergeant in the Irish army, kept me scared and awake, well, until now actually....

My Favourite Heckle of the year

wasn't even on stage. Buying stuff in the supermarket.
Girl says "Is the amount ok?"
I said, "Of course it isn't. Ring it up anyway."
Sour trout behind me in the queue gives it smoky road, and said, "Ah Wiseguy..."
Wiseguy? How cool a heckle is that?
Told her not to worry, 3 ghosts, a vision of the future and then a day of turkey giving awaited her.
Laugh she did not.
Cool.

Pea-super.

Ye Olde Brigadoon Walmart Trip
Current mood: Walfucked
Category: Walfucked Life

Went shopping in Walmart hell. The way there was shrouded i fog so thick, we passed it and turned to guess the way. Walmart eventually loomed, promising cheap shit built on shattered lives and a cavalier disregard for employee health care. Full of those people who think shopping is important. They go out at sale time and block proper shoppers from going in and out. bastards. Sort of people who would queue on Amazon.com
Filled my cart with cheap crap I did not need. went to pay, stuck in a queue of Tards trying to use their blockbuster card to pay. Not enough tills open. Did I get stressed?
No. i have the capitalist solution,which everyone can try out.
When you get twitchy and pissed off, start removing crap from your cart and building a discard pile. If they waste your time, cut their profit. Its fun. My pile got pretty tall, started to take on a Jenga aspect. They saw what I was doing and more tills opened. Too late Walfuck. You have lost quite a bit by being so shit.
Honestly try this tactic. Its legal, and it makes queueing funny...
Drove back on a country road in the fog. Cross between Blood Simple and In the Mouth of Madness. Quiet. images seen but not seen. If a kid riding backwards on his bike had turned up, would have made sense.

Currently listening :
Nothing's Shocking
By Jane's Addiction
Release date: 1990-10-25

Dowdy's Tips Cross your references

I once pulled a very pretty blonde because I knew that Cypress Hill had sampled "Son of a Preacher Man" for "Hits from the Bong."

"That's my favourite song!" hmm....

For those dating in London. If your date smells like a very cool bookshop, its a fair bet she is wearing White Musk by the Body Shop. Try it, you'll look like a perfume genius. My gift to you.

Modern Dicktation 12 Tunes

You wake up. You are alone in a room that bleeds pyscedelic beauty that fills your heart with the feral, pounding, blood firing rhythm of life. You know everybody is going to make it this time. You smile. A thumping comes from the kitchen, a vehicle blots out the sky, and parks out front. You have just had sex with Bootsy Collins

Currently listening :
Free Your Mind...And Your Ass Will Follow
By Funkadelic

Modern Dictation 11b History

You wake up. You are not alone, yet you are. The room is 70's hell, curtains hanging on for dear life and yesterdays toast sulking in the corner. Last night was, well, actually, really, well it was. An authoratitive voice booms around you and you realise the world is beautiful yet sadly depressing, all at once, yet not at all. Hope fades. You have just had sex with the late great harold pinter

Early morning coming up

Been up for 2 hours. loaded up on coffee and a bagel that Jan gave me (Vital). Been out with Abbey, 4 times as we travelled the icy rocky road to the morning poop. I thought she just wanted to be outside sniffing the air. Realised I was wrong when the poop arrived. Once done she looked at me, twitched and ran for the house. She was as cold as me, just had to poop outside...
What will today bring? more Black Magic Wii? Likely.

fun but.....

Black Magic Wii
Current mood: wiival dead

Forgot to bring the sensor bar for the Wii. You can still play if you sit in front of lit candles..... I think I've seen this film before

Harold and Eartha, thank you.

I loved Harold Pinter and Eartha Kitt for basically the same reason. They both followed their own path, and did it as well as they possibly could. You can ask no more of any artist. i don't care what form the art takes, or if it is the sort of art I like. Anyone who pushes themselves as hard as they can, and brings everything they have to what they do, has my respect and gratitude. Rest easy kids, your job here is done.

That's what xmas is supposed to be like.....

After the myopic prime rib cakey baileys fueled apoca-start of the early morning, Xmas day was amazing. Went to see Eleanor and family at her retirement home. Not like an english old folks home where the walls are stained with the crushed dreams of the rotting residents, American retirement homes are lovely things, set in large grounds, with shops and cafes, Makes you want to age.

Learned I didn't know anything about wahat was going on.

Leah (Beth's second cousin) engaged to Adam (top bloke) and living Frisco way.

Rachel (Beth's second cousin) running a restaraunt in Austin Texas.

Beth's cousins.

Ed and Jean.

Ed very generously along with Diane, masterchef of Chi-town, offered to let us stay at their house while we find a house in Chicago. They own the coolest house I have ever seen. 4 storeys, 360 view of Chicago from the top.

Jean

God knows why Jean and I never got to talk before. She is great, really funny and a total sweetheart.

Eleanor.

we were there for a party for Eleanor. She had a stroke not so long ago, though you wouldn't know it to look at here. She did get very tired as time went on, but I think she had a lovely day overall.

Nodded out a bit late doors, MS narcolepsy. Then home, found my wallet (phew) and now just chilling. great day....

punky xmas special

ec 24, 2008 8:45 AM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [?]
Subject:
You're on Punky! Radio...
Body:
Hello there,

We’re playing “Burning Orphanage” on this week’s Punky! Radio. Please bulletin your friends/email your fans/post on your website/phone your gran/go tell it on the mountain/kick a tramp/do anything you can to let as many people as possible know that you’re on the show this week and it can be downloaded at www. punkyradio. com, www. punkyradio. btpodshow. com and at itunes. There is also a 3 minute preview of the show on www. myspace. com/punkyradio.

Cheers and thanks!

Paulybx

PS. Could you ask your fans/friends to vote for the show here:

http://www. podcastalley. com/one_vote2. php?pod_id=7539

And vote yourselves - the more votes, the more listeners!

Immortal Moments in British Comic History

Current mood: archivist
Category: archivist Life

" Sorry about your mothers back, she fucking moved while I was shaving her...."
Brendon Burns At a seminary college gig in Oxford.

"I'm fucking Jimi Hendrix I am."
Noel James stuffing a mike into the speakers, fucked off at the posh kids at a ball in Cambridge. Then randomly bought on then girlfriend Harriet Bowden insisting, "She's posh like you, you'll like her..."

"You keep bringing them, I'll keep burying you...."
Natalie Haynes, at the underground bar gig in West Hampstead.

"Lets put our hands together, and pray for a better gig next week..." Mark Lammar after a nightmare compere.

"Dear Captain Cash, please send me 100 quid so I don't have to do that gig in Greenwich, where act after act goes on and dies on their arse....."
Ian Cognito bad Sunday night at Up the Creek.

"Do you ever find yourself slumped into front of porn on the telly, haagen daaz and vodka splayed in front of you, weeping at how shit your life turned out?"
Liz Webb Screaming Blue at the dog and fox in wimbledon. Still one of the best lines I've ever heard.

"The reason we keep booking you Si, is for the moment you say 'The reason this gig isn't working is threefold..." and then you tear the room to pieces. Hilarious." Said to me by The Cot Death Kid and Ian Bass when I asked why they kept paying me good money to come and tank their rough-house gigs.

That was Simon Dowd. lovely boy, might be a bit ill." Jo Caulfield at Screaming Blue in Hemel after I'd done 25 minutes of stuff that made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

'The acoustics in there are rubbish. You can't hear them laughing...." A comic who shall remain nameless
More as they occur to me

Edinburgh

Concrete Abstract
Current mood: sort of humble...

Been sitting thinking of the show I'm going to bring to Edinburgh. I was going to call it Home, as my switch from the shakespeare back to stand up has made me feel the most comfortable I have ever felt as a performer.
Props out to Actors Theatre in Columbus, who let me rebuild myself, at a point when I thought I would never perform again. They taught me an awful lot of technique I never had, and showed me new ways of performing that I have of course stolen and factored into my act.
My thought now is to call the show Concrete Abstract. This is the best name I can think of right now for what I consider perfect stand up. Concrete Abstract means never saying exactly what you are talking about, whilst planting a concrete image in your audiences mind. Nigh on impossible to do, but I'm gonnna have a lot of fun trying

You gotta tab acid, if not you get your ass kicked

Drugs. Good? Bad? Depends. Nice spliff. lovely. Heroin? Bad. Percacet? Amazing. you can only do 3 days of it. I had it after my wisdom tooth was taken out. Day 3 looked in the mirror and said. "My tooth does not hurt that bad...." Do a couple of days, keep the rest for a rainy afternoon. Coke? Death for a comic. Timing gone, personality torched. Advil? Great for wounded actors, keeps you moving when you shouldn't. Steroid treatment for MS? The highest high ever. Wouldn't advise it. Acid? If you knew have I think all the time, you would know why I don't do it. i think tabbing acid might actually trip me normal. And who wants that?

day snooze

In the cave
Current mood: complacent
Category: Life

Went out for cigarettes at sue's shop. On the way back, wandering with my tunes and my cane, the Chicago death weather arrived. Rain turning and icing in front of me as it hit the floor. like being in a shiitty 80's fantasy film, although truth is we all loved those films. Krull? Hawk the Slayer? Genius!

Got home in one piece. New plan for day, a giant comfy barrel of fuck all with a side order of nothing. Aah......

Illinois Death Weather

Supposed to be driving to Beth's mum and dad's today. Temp 22F, rain then immediate freeze. Lie driving against SubZero . Only fun if you want to end up upside down in a ditch.
years ago drove in this weather 2 and a half hours to chicago. Never seen anything like it before or since. 40 to 50 cars in the ditch, half on their roofs. Like driving in a post nuclear wasteland. Freezing cold, surrounded by death in eery white silence. I thought it was cool, Then i drove on my own in a night like that last winter. On the freeway, every car in front of me (6) span out. I thought, I am going to die. Still thought it looked cool.

Punky xmas special

Punky Xmas special
Current mood: elated
Category: elated Friends

Massive thanks to Paulyb for putting Burning orphanage on their Xmas special as the non punk but punk at heart anti-festive tune. This version is the beautifully orchestrated Seth Reisner remix with me and Rhonda thomas giving it the maximum
You can hear the show at
http://punkyradio.mevio.com/
We are about 43 minutes in. The show is great I've been downloading the podcast for weeks. I didn't think Orphanage would make it on in a million years. Bless. Now I feel like sending him the live version with a choir we punted out Sunday night....

Modern Dicktation 10d Geography

ou wake up in a bright sunny room. You are not alone. Two women lie back to back in the bed next to you. Two men stand either side of the bed, one holding a bass, the other a guitar. Flares flutter in a bonny morning breeze. You have just had sex with ABBA.

sometimes

Sometimes people are quiet and difficult to talk to because they are shy and lonely. Talk to them. They have had a lot of time to think and will tell you something amazing that you hadn't thought of. Don't let them fall. When they fall, they fall alone, and it costs us all. I write this because random people in the last few days have told me of their loneliness. If you are a lucky lippy idiot, its your job to help. As I said, they have more to offer than you think, usually more than you.

Poltergeist 4 the Reckoning

The annoyed spirit of the indian chief, that lives in the burial mound under my basement, may have met his match. Sean came out from Apollo alarms today, and I think he's cracked the schizo nature of my kitchen door alarm. That, or the chief is quietly chuckling, waiting to glide chairs around the kitchen, and have the garden erupt with the pissed off dead. I hope Sean fixed it. Beth loves that garden.

viva

Modern dicktation 10c Geography

You wake up. The sound of harrassed trolleys and squawking Alphas pass by the door of your room, which is nowhere near as flash as it thinks it is. You are alone. Your clothes are gone, your wallet is gone, your passport is gone. You smile ruefully to yourself. You have just had sex in Vegas.

Fa La La La La

A lovely end to the Xmas gig run.

Last night, opened for Pale Imitations (no question the best Imrov troupe in the city) dropped into some games and had a whale of a time with the over-sold out crowd. Field recorded it on my Zoom H2 (invaluable for recording gigs) and am gonna put up some of the audio on simondowd.com, when I work out how to do it.
The two things I really want to put up are the version of my song Burning Orphanage, where the imitations come in inthe second verse, and the improvised carol we did which sounds amazing. Most of these folks come from a music theatre background, so there's top harmonising and shit all over the show.
Came back had a small do at the house after the gig. Unfortunately Earl, one of the troupe got taken very ill. Hope he's OK Waiting to find out.
Chilled day today, actually its freezing. Cardigan, soup, slippers, couch. lovely.

Home

Early Xmas present
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life

Just got an email back from Peter Buckley Hill. Might have a chance at running an hour show for 10 days in Edinburgh next year. I want to do this so badly. i have the show, I've been running hours for a couple of years here in the states. i would love to bring it home and share it with everybody.
If not possible, I'll be looking for pickup gigs. i figure week 2/3, some of us will hve ingnited the candle both ends and need some cover. I now know one thing for sure, I am definitely coming.

The Xmas Question Current mood:moved

'Would you trade your teeth to have written Fairytale of New York?'
My answer?
'Yeah maybe...'Can I have written Rainy Night in Soho too?'
Thanks Shane. Dentists may hate you. Anyone with a heart loves you...

Modern Dicktation 10b Geography Current mood:realistic

You wake up. Last night was amazing. You are not alone. Her short skirt and skimpy underwear litter the floor, along with her casting books. The air smells of power, opportunity and determination. You are sad and have lost some weight. You realise your soul has leaked out through your feet and the light behind your eyes has dimmed. You have just had sex in LA.

locked

Yester-today
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Life

Spent today rehearsing the Pale Imitations show, which goes uo tomorrow evening at Gressos. Ran the show through twice and now it feels locked, with a lot of the stretch we had gone. Its a pleasure working with Pale Imitations. They are there to do the best show possible, and everyone of them is a pro.
Back home now. Toast. Just ahead of an MS coma, so if the blog reads like bollocks, you are reading the inside of my head.
Yesterday, went to Easton, lunch at Cheesecake factory (excellent). Back, passed out, woke up at 6 and went drinking with Sonda, Dave and Ezra. It was like partying in London for the evening. Dave and Sonda are displaced New York kids, so spent the evening drinking and speaking the same language....

witness

Modern Dicktation 10a Geography
Current mood: quiet

You wake in on old looking room. It would rain but God has decreed not. You feel guilty. You are not alone. Her home made duds and bibles litter the floor. The room smells of honest sweat, boiled cabbage, and the faint odour of crushed dreams. There is no coffee to be had. You have just had sex in Utah.
Run.

Modern Dicktation 10 Geography.

You wake to soft rain pattering lightly against the window. You are not alone. Her clothes, all black lie on the floor. The air is filled with the smell of beer, kebab, cigarettes and musk by the body shop. You have just had sex in London.

something better change

Dowdy's tips 7(?) Know when to change your ways
Current mood:glad i got out of that one

The phone rings. Its 7 am. The voice on the other end says
"Can I speak to my wife?"
You look left, aforementioned wife is there softly purr snoring. You then say
"She's in the front room, i'll just get her."
You then drum on the cupboard by your bed, pretending to go to the front room. (pathetic)
Your room mate voices worries that the house is going to be raked by machine gun fire, you will be missed, he will be killed.
Deep breath. Change your ways.....

ho ho ho motherf++++r

more xmas pressies
Current mood:cool

The cure are on Carson Daly (who i never watch), pressie for me. Saw the Cure at Glastonbury in 1990. As they hit A Forest someone at the front collapsed. Next thing a med vac helicopter flew in, over the CND pyramid stage. It was like watching Appocalypse Now for real. All the tripped out stoners in the pyramid field seemed to concur. Fave bit of that weekend being woken up sat morning in my tent by the Booya tribe, exhorting me to
'Bang your motherfucking head to this!' Tune.
If you like rap, particularly the tripped out blue note crate digging kind, pick up Justin Warfield My Field Trip to Planet 9. cool as fuck. Merry Xmas.

Currently listening:
My Field Trip to Planet 9
By Justin Warfield
Release date: 1993-07-13
1:56 AM 0 Comments(Add Comment

merry xmas

Ayub Ogada
Current mood: blissful

My Xmas gift to you, dear readers (whoever you are) Get Ayub Ogada's album En Mana Kuoyo.
Used to work with Ayub years ago at Cafe Des Artistes in Fulham. His songs are in 6/8 mainly , which a good friend of in a long black wool coat, attempted a dance at. It was a physics puzzle. Couldn't understand how he was doing it. Being a musician with the metronome buzzing away at all times in my head, I'll never get to dance that free. Ayub is a top bloke, shared his peanuts, and his music is beautiful.
Another thing I can't do is take anything at face value. The comic that lives in my blood questions everything, and constantly looks for the joke.
This statement comes from an amazing IM I had with Mark Mann last night, where both of us laid out exactly how we do what we do. If performers in Columbus have any sense, I'd pay us to sit a room and repeat what we wrote to each other. It would be worth it. Dunno about Mark, but what I know cost me 15 years and a huge chunk of my soul....

Parapa pum pum

Lethal Weapon 5 guiness/bloody mary arse disaster
Current mood:last posty
Category: Life

Miglin wrapping presents. Me observing. I am left handed. I cannot cut with your crypto-facist right-handed scissors. Your wrapping paper is hard/difficult to deal with. Changing bulbs or plugging things with your left hand is an invitation to dice with death. You right-handers have designed the world to ruin us lefties. Bastards. All lefties are ambidextrous. we have to be. I play guitar right-handed. Imagine my disappointment at hearing Hendrix, realising that the best gutairist ever was playing left-handed, and I was on the other side playing. Bastards.
Last night ate at the Claddagh on front street. Great food. Had cabbage rolls to start (way better than its sounds), then the Brian Boru steak salad. Comes medium, i had it medium rare. Also spanked down Bloody Mary and guiness like a parched man emerging from the desert. No headache, but an arse which is playing the last post. Will be gone by this evening, for anyone going to the CATCO thingy....

Narcoslippy fun

Awake again
Current mood: awake
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Beth told me that the front step was an ice rink. she had fallen down it, but was ok, and that I should get the salt from the garage to take care of it. went down to garage. Wiped out trying to get in. Yoga training meant I took the rump landing and was fine. Didn't make the garage and tried meting the ice on the front step with Beth's posh sea salt.
Joe came over. Meant to go see Frost/ Nixon, think its out next week. Pizza, corn dogged up and watched American Movie instead. If you haven't seen it, do.
Drifted in and out of consciousness, no diss on Joe or the film. Some sort of MS narcolepsy that keeps creeping up.
Joe left. Beth came back. Came upstairs whacked radio 7 on, and remember nothing until 10 minutes ago. For any american who fancies the english accent, go online and listen to radio 7. And please stop copying me. And, no, I don't sound like the illegitimate child of Izzard and Gervais. Well, maybe a bit....

Intervention?

Mario mainlining
Current mood: amused

Up at 5:15am. Miglin still up in front of Mario focused with bloodshot Icaran dedication. When your play reaches the level of Greek myth, I think you've got your moneys worth. When questioned about how long she'd been playing, Beth said, "I did the dishes, tidied the kitchen." I think she was saying, "I'm getting clean man, clean. I can just walk away, away whenever i want." I think we need a deprogrammer......
Miglin just stopped for a coffee and then said, "I try to stop, but playing hypes me up." Yes she is heading back for another fix.....

dowdy's tips 5 looking lovely

Dowdy’s Tips 5 Conclusion
Current mood: burny

The only way to achieve weight loss is to eat rich food until the heart burn torches your desire to eat again, ever,,,,

perfect deconstruction

Perfect deconstruction
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Friends

Enjoyed my beets, goats cheese and water chestnuts wrapped in bacon. Watched the Extras Xmas special fromlast year. Forgot how good it really was. As an example of fame tearing someone to pieces, its an excellent piece of work. Also good to see Brody as the estate agent. having played Brents agent in the office Xmas special, he was convinced his place in history was to be a trivial pursuit question As I have told him over the years, he is one Edinburgh show detailing every disaster away from his own TV show. Hang on, didn't he just have one? Brods told me he was in a TV show that might go quite well.
"Whats it called?" I asked.
"Angelos," he said.
"Which character are you playing?" I asked.
"Angelo," he said.
Great reviews, new management at channel 5, show dumped.
I swear its gonna happen Brods, you cant walk around that good and stay in the wilderness forever....although it does give you good material.....

Currently watching :

cool lunch great evening

Had lunch with Nick at planks on parsons. top food. I had the lake perch with the mashed potatoes with chicken gravy and apple sauce. midwest food is great. Nick very cool, wants to be, actually judging by his work rate, is already a filmaker. Wants to meet actors in town to do projects. having talked to him for a few hours, I can recommend Nick as someone any actor interested in doing films should meet.
Waiting on beets and goat cheese for dinner, may help cure my jelly legs.

nice surprises

teve Jameson and Kevin Precious just got in touch through facebook. Really cool, I really like them and hopefully, as with everyone else will get to see them in the flesh when I hit edinburgh week 3 next year.
Spirit of indian chief in the burial mound under the basement currently chilled out.
Miglin going ever further to world wide Kart domination.
Valentines show in studio 3 at the riffe centre? If i could get it this would a fantastic way to say goodbye to Columbus.
Got to get dressed, this is important.....

the poltergeist incident

Our alarm on the kitchen door has been weird for months. Been running out of battery, and in the last week started hooking itself to the motion sensor in the garage. Scott has been coming back and forth for weeks, as we tried to suss it out. conclusion? We've upset the spirit of the indian chief that rests in the burial grounds below our basement. Today we appeased him and everything seems fine.
Scott and I then started chatting and it turns out he has seen the freakiest thing on the internet too. Its called two girls in a room. My advice? Don't go near it. If you do, don't blame me for your shattered sex life and sleepless nights. Now the poltergeist is appeased, and, as 2 girls in a room is still in existence, I think I will blog modern Dicktation 10 Freckles, after all.
low batt just went off on the kitchen door. if you are reading this Scott, i think we need some holy water and an old spiritual dwarf lady to sort this one out......

sunday, sunday

woke up early, abbey and me playing in the yard in the freezing cold for what seemed liked days ( an hour). back in the house serenaded by the lilting snores of mr bender, who didn't make it out of our house last night. By the tenor of the snores i think he was dreaming of He and beth's descent into drunken mario Kart oblivion, as some of the snores seemed to hit turbo chargers, and some seemed to take very rapid right turns. He awoke, well he rose again, refusing food for the caffeine mainline that could bring him back to full humanity. Once compus he trotted home. Beth and I then wolfed bacon sandwiches (thurns double smoked back, the best in the city) and then set to doing nothing as well as we could.Went to rehearsal with Yury at 4pm. todays rehearsal not bad, it was the one were you get the bile out, the jokes that will offend just about everybody. This is a necessary step as if you don't get them out, you tend to do them in front of paying customers. All comics do this. we have to purge ourselves to the point where what we are saying is at least palatable. Got very tired. If any of the pale Imitations thought I was passing out by the end of rehearsal, i was. Back to the house. yury and Beth back into Mario world. me tired, crabby, a total arsehole. apologies to the two drivers, nowt to do with you.now blogging while Miglin, steering wheel in hand, heads towards the promised land.Wondering whether to blog the rules of the game Freckle?

Yesterday/ Concrete Abstract.

didn't blog yesterday as I was rehearsing Pale imitations xmas gig, which is pretty much locked and is excellent. Its on next Sunday, starting with a buffet thingy at 6pm at Gressos. If you get the chance, go, its already there, we are running it again today to lock it in completely.
Then we had a xmas party which was really cool. No madness, I go to other peoples houses for that sort pf party. Great food, drink, surrounded by a ton of people i really like, whats not to love? Two great parties in two days, both ending the same way. The Miglin run at the Mario Kart world championship.
Asked to desribe what I though perfect stand up was I came up with this description. Perfect stand up is concrete abstract. I really like this description, currently trying to suss out exactly what I meant.

fuck i am so awake

Its 1:36 am. since waking up having passed out early doors, at 10 yesterday evening, briefly believing the world had been plunged into eternal night, then realising it was still thursday, i have been up. talking to loads of people on the net and watching the on going miglin conquest of the mario kart world. having done the easier levels she is now making the hard ones look easy. just suggested we should go and do our shopping since we are up. its america somewhere is open. beth grunted and then blew up yoshi and mario party on saturday is looking populous. the house is unfortunately not the estate i made out. hope people don't mind close contact....

On, its not the end of the world

Just woke up to find Beth painting in the kitchen. The clock read 10:15. Its pitch black. Took me a few seconds to realise I'd passed out earlier on, and its still thursday night. Phew!

Modern Dicktation 9 Memories

Ate yesterday at the Banana bean cafe on Greenlawn. Fantastic food. Used to be a strip joint, shut down for morphing into a brothel. A stripper from the old days wandered in. She loved how the club had changed, and walked around oohing and aahing at the new decor. She bent down to touch the new wool rug by the fire and someone walking past tripped,and threw a bowl of cold clam chowder in her face. Bless her heart, she didn't miss a beat. She looked up, licked her lips, smiled and said, "Aah, just like the old days."

A high kicking appocalypse now gig evening crowned with Wii medal of honour

Rockettes show. Rockettes technically excellent. The bloke playing Santa died a slow ignoble death in front of his people, The elderly, the infirm, mums with kids, his people. wow. Tears in everyones eyes at the joy of Xmas, save the blokes sitting staring at the rockettes focused and dry eyed. They were weeping however....
Onto Surly Girl to an appocalypse now gig, 16 acts? Yeah, that'll work. funny enough it did, although the comics who were doing fine and then hit their wife beating/rape material were then not funny. I went on 10th and did well, then threw it away because I couldn't be bothered. That my last line was "You'll wake up tomorrow, have a think and realise how good that gig was." gives a clue of the respect I showed. having said that, I liked the gig. sean who runs it is cool and fair, gives new acts a chance and gives wizened battle weary hacks like myself a nice little room to let off steam. also a guy went on billed as the Devil and stared at the audience for 5 minutes. I told him afterwards, "That's total bottle. " Its nearly there as an act. He is at the crossroads between the audience looking at their feet or going with him and collapsing laughing. I think he'll make the cross.
And Beth has now won every level of Mario Kart. Maybe she'll come back to me...

Helping us all get along

Dowdy's tips 4. Just shut up you tit

If you live with someone, married, flat sharing, whatever, it is human nature that sometimes the act of this person breathing in and out will make your teeth itch. Its usually over something petty and stupid, but can be used as a springboard to hurl you into an emotional abyss you were both previously unaware of.
In England Bank Holidays are particularly dangerous, your mind has way too much time to turn utter bullshit into solid fact. When you get this feeling, shut up and go and listen to your favourite tunes, read a book or watch a film (not Henry portrait of a serial kiler, classic though it is). After a few minutes you will realise that none of what you were thinking means anything, that your irritation was to do with you not the other person and the world isn't as black as you thought. And relief from argument avoidance sex is fun....

Mario Kart Scrambled

Lights! sounds! cute colours! 

The only reason you stop playing this game is when your eyes start to bleed. Is it me or is keeping the populace brain-dead, achieving worthless shite, a plan from the emperor Ming himself? Pretty volours! What war? Send Yoshi and Luigi. Their Jet Bikes and power-ups should do it......

My Day

Didn't go to auction. 1800 land laws? I want grow grapes, not travel back in time. beth and I bought candles (excellent) ate at Surly Girl, great beer and food ( harpoon winter warmer, just get one, merry Xmas), cool venue (doing there tomorrow) then onto my office. Met Jim, attorney at law next door. Nice fella, makes me want to bother going in. Picked up stuff I needed fpr my studio, then onto starbucks. Walked out with a free coffee? And met Priscilla, who is gonna bring some of her mates to the gig tomorrow. Back home. Stewart coming over, chilling in front of TV. Cool day.

smoking v longevity

My mate Neil asked me yesterday if I was still smoking. Yes I am. As i've written before, I'm 7 years ahead of when i thought I would be crippled or dead. Long term, one way or the other, MS will take me out. "Hey Si," I hear you think, "Could be hit by a bus tomorrow, you never know..." Actually, done that one. Double Decker on Southampton Row fueled by the beer of the former devil gig know as the Fulmar and Firkin. So whatever time is around, I will spend doing what I was born to do (comedy), and enjoying my family and friends as much as possible. The best anyone can hope for is that you are remembered with a smile. Besides I love smoking, i think its cool. any kids reading this, don't do it, its a very expensive certain death plan....

Whitecastle breakfast joy

picked up a bacon egg sarnie from Whitecastle this morning. Of the fast food brekkies, theirs is the best, for the expat missing the greasy spoons of London

Back up chute parachute blog....

I know now what my blogpost blog is for. I felt bad that myspace got all the posts, and blogspot got the apologies. My space got all the play because I can see how many people read it. 1500 in 2 and a half weeks and counting. Its also connected me with all the people I used it work with. Its also not fucking working this morning.....

blogspot is actually easier to use, and post across to myspace (doesn't seem to work the other way around). i just like seeing the counter go up when I post there. Its like a film. Myspace is the woman in the red dress, blogspot is the dependable mother. Nice to be back. Having tried to post twice on the other tart, here is today's precis.

Restorative yoga. Best natural high you will ever have. 3 hours of constant relaxation. thanks Gail.

2 level attuned Reiki healer. Sounds like hippy bollocks, is in fact life changing and amazing.

May bid on 44 acres of farmland in Illinois today. Beth, earth child, wants to plant a vineyard. I, dissolute wastrel, like drinking. Problem? Dry County. What is it, 1852?

Move to Chicago. Time to do the comedy as best I can. And that's it. Oh, party our house saturday. Bring booze, food, yourselves. come after 6.

Thank you spare parachute blog. Your glory is nice...

To be fair

i can't keep two blogs on the go every day. therefore this blog is gonna get a weekly precis of the crap I spray across myspace 4/5 today 9 times a day. If you want constant crap check me out on myspace, if a more considered edit of bullshit is your preference, check out blog spot once a week.