The maximum English.

Its so cold. The ground is covered in snow which is heading towards ice as fast as it can. My snow boots are fantastic and can operate in really low temperatures. They are in Columbus. The shoes I have here are good if you are walking on a beach pretending to be an italian boatmen.
 Myself, the shoes of summer gone,  Beth and her folks went over to John and Kate's in accordance with the midwest weather is no object clause. One of the things about travel in the midwest winter is that you always have a good time when you arrive, as you are all happy to be alive. We only saw 5 cars in the ditch on our way there (really) so the day had gone quite well for a bad winter squall. The most amazing thing i've ever seen was when Beth and I drove up to chicago some winters ago on a road solid with black ice. We drove at 10 mph and saw 60 cars off the road, 5 of which were on their roof. We were the only car left rolling in the silent winterlight. It was like being in a post-appocalyptic ghost story.
Why the maximum english? We went out to a restaurant that did chips and curry sauce. If the table had been better hidden, i'd of sat and licked the plate.