Get the fuck out of my face.

Finished watching Erasing David. He lasted 18 days before the detectives pillaged enough databases to find him. England is the 3rd most surveilled country in the world, after Russia and China. Anyone fancy living on a lost island?

Flush

When I die, there will be two old guys playing cards. The one in the sharp suit turns his cards over, and grins. The other throws his in, and says," Come on Louie, best of five..."

The Scala

The Scala. The best cinema I ever went to. My hall of residence was down the road. In King's Cross, when it was really quite ropey. Ran as a cinema club, 50p membership. Showed 3 films, in rotation, a day, you paid once and could stay as long as you liked.
 Beer, cake and a cat which roamed around scaring the life out of you when the horror films were on. All night on a Saturday. Steep rake. The coolest cinema ever. Killed by showing A Clockwork Orange when it was banned in England. I don't think calling it A Very Curious Fruit, was a good enough disguise.

Morning.

The reporter on NBC 4 talking about the wild animal escape, is wearing a leopard print shirt. This is either genius, or you really upset the wardrobe people.

How I got to London

When I was looking for a university to go to, I didn't have a clue. I wanted York initially, who turned me down, ofter a rollicking interview. I remember them sitting there, looking, just looking. Warwick went well, swimming pool, grounds and such. They offered me BBC. On the old points score 22.

Went for an interview at the LSE. I remeber walking down Southhampton Row, thoroughly freaked out. Interviewed withDerek McKay, who ended up being my head of year, and David Starkey. Must have gone well, theyoffered me BCC point score 20. In the end I got ACC 22. I thought Warwick it is. They were very quiet, and the LSE kept sending me welcome packs. Eventually I got the hint, and went to London, which was the last place I wanted to go.

I know now, London was a perfect fit.Its why I ended up doing stand up, and I wouldn't trade that education and the friends I made for anything. So, cheers Warwick, you sent me exactly where I needed to go, even if I didn't know it. And York? Get the fuck over yourself, the Wars of the Roses sere a long time ago.....

Tipping Point

Every now and again with MS you hit a day which makes you think, "Oh, I think that might be it. A day where everything you struggled and worked for doesn't mean anything anymore. The piper has called and times up. I'd worry more if this hadn't happened to me numerous times before. In the end its a shit day, the worst this year, but, its doable. As ever everything I want lies in front of me, I just need to rest until I am ready.

Then:

On the shitest day of the year, it helps if one of your oldest friends phones you randomly from London. An hour later I realized, :Its just shit, MS is bollocks, kip it out, It'll be alright. Anyone want a fight? You know, a lot more positive. Cheers Neil. As ever, I owe you one.

Not a gang member.

I've always avoided part of a group of people who are always around each other. I enjoy a groups company every now and again, just not all the time. Is this because I'm a rugged individualist? Is it because I'm fussy, and will not be told to like/tolerate someone, because they are in the group? Yeah, a bit. I guess its on my mind because I took  the plunge recently and got on the board at MOFA. They felt like a group of people I could be around a lot. 

I'd been around groups a few rimes before, bands when I was younger, and actors seasonally, doing Shakespeare and such. MOFA is the first time since I was in a band where I feel I can be a part of something, and be able to be around it a lot. So, I am a member of the movie gang. You know whar? Its rather nice.

Oh....

Having used a stolen home pregnancy test, Gerry was shocked to discover the kid wasn't hers.

Morning

Coffee, cigarettes, a glass of water with a shot of 100% cranberry juice and a pear. Remarkably effective. Of course the Bismarck from Buckeye Donuts doesn't hurt.
I was taking a bottle of water back to the fridge. Found myself, bottle in hand, looking at the dryer. More coffee right?
I think I got thrown off because MS can do this weird thing to your eyes, where everything looks bigger than you know it is. Insert cock size joke as appropriate.

Neigbours

Just woke up believing it was Sunday morning. If it is, its ever so dark. Oh, I missed the Rapture then...All that's left is tossers with crappy voices talking too loud on their front porch. Hell on Earth indeed. Everybody, "Fuck off back inside, we're wishing you all died...."

Craft

Anyone who is truly skilled at anything, never thinks they totally have it. They are pleased with the level they have reached, but always looking to learn, to push themselves further.

Sept 11th

I was in Chicago that day. Never seen anything like that. We went out that evening, a lot of people did. It was like somebody turned down the volume on a whole country.

Dream Buggy

I sort of woke up last night, and went from The Cure The End, to Dead Can Dance The Carnival is Over. Turned on my computer, went straight into Facebook, and 40 pages of music sprayed across the screen. No idea how that happened. Figured, well I did it in a dream, I'll fix while I'm still asleep. Worked.

Pace.

All of family, and my closest friends have told me , "Pace youself better Si, that's why you keep losing months at a time." People who've known me for years, know the pattern. I come in out of the fog, work as hard as I  can doing whatever has sparked my interest, regardless of the physical cost. Job done, I then return into the mist for a while and recover. 

Often, as is the way with performing, another opportunity will come up immediately. Depending on what it is, I  asses the risk, and often do it anyway. This was what made me stop performing as a stand up in England. I was doing well, being offered a lot of work, and took the risk over and over, until I realized iI couldn't do it any more.

Then I drank my way through the next three years. Its difficult to see the risk if you are drunk most of the time. In the end I realized that what I'd thought when I was diagnosed with MS years earlier was right, I was leaving. Didn't know where, or why, but I was going.

What I was doing, was running from the city where the worst thing that had ever happened to me lay. Not London's fault. I have nothing but love in my heart for her, but it took distance to see it.

I faced the same pacing mistakes I'd made in London here in Columbus. The acceptance fronm the acting community made me want to keep on pushing, beyond where I could physically go. I've dropped out of 4 plays bcause of it.

My assumption was, no one will ever trust me, they will never book me. Wrong, yet again.

Now I look at my risk level a lot more seriously., not perfectly, but better. I'll still screw up, hopefully, not as much.

No Cuntry for old men.

An old bloke accidentally cut up a 30 year old cunt at the end of our road. The old man got out of his car to say sorry. Afore said cunt, apparently drunk, got out of his shit life delivery wagon, and beat the old man. Old man went to hospital, had a stroke and died. My vote? Arse fuck him to death in prison.

Mystery

We got new drapes from Pottery Barn. The new fashion asks the questions,"Did you think you were going to the beach? Did you get dressed in the dark? Have you decided to try hooking at Pottery Barn? Are you sure you should have eaten that for breakfast?" Like the tragedy of the wash day thong back in London years ago. Heads-up. We like the mystery. All that crap does is save us the cost of a date.

Odds

Day by day, I have to calculate the odds of how badly that day can go. Today started ok, then  began to drop away. I haven't felt my hands or feet properly for over two dacades, so that's not the tell. That I can't feel much wrist to elbow, or ankle to knee, tells me today, isn't going to work out.

Time

The picrure of four young kids my uncle John put on my Facebook page today, gave me pause and the opportuntiy to reflect. The kids are, going clockwise from the kid in the white shirt on the left:

My cousin Michael

Me

My uncle John

my brother Kev.

I appear to have eaten the kid in the photo and had a few pies since. 

This picture was taken during the last time I ever saw Michael. Like all of us, he did stupid stuff when he was a kid. The restof us were lucky. He wasn't and passed way too early. looking at the picture, I remembered how much I liked him. He was the one who played White Lines for me on a pub jukebox, during this visit. If his ear was that well tune at that age, lord knows what level he'd be at now.

So, a melancholic Sunday start, but not a sad one. Rest easy Michael, I'm so glad I got to meet you.

Michele, our hell

Always on about people sinning

But you have zero chance of winning

Have a dance with your big gay husband

You're definitely gonna lose

Have a dance with your big gay husband

you're definitely gonna lose.

Obama don't know this

And he don't know that

But your man doesn't know the shape of your twat

Have a dance with your big gay husband

You're definitely gonna lose

Our hearts and minds

You cannot capture

So you're just waiting 

On the Rapture

Have a dance.....

But if you get the job

And the stars align

Then the Mayans were right

The entire time

Have a dance with your big gay husband

My god you gotta lose.

Have a dance with your big gay husband

My god you gotta lose.

Help.

Simon Dowd

Anyone who doubts Evolution. Do you not think that God, left clues, dinosaurs, batteries in the old world, cave paintings and so on. She made it kind of obvious. Sorry, my mistake. You don't think. As you were, see you at the Rapture.

Well

Some worry when they lose track of days. Amateurs. I can do it for months at a time.

Lightbulb.

You can run the tracks in London as hard as you like. Do whatever you want. end up in clubs where you are not surevwhere you are, having a great time. In the back of my mind i always knew there was a way to get home, somehow. Worry about it later, lets go dancing!

Putting up Block Rockin Beats first on Resolution this morning reminded me of all of it. The memory of being in THe Heavanly Scoial, which we nearly didn't get into at all, some bloke fell flat on his face in front of the bouncers, I picked him up, and they told me they "Wereen't letting you tripped out cunts in!" "Easy." I said, "Never fucking met him before." In we went.

The Chemical Brother's were Djing, everyone was on poppers. The air smelled liked paint thinner. I danced with Annie Nightingale, an old school Radio One DJ. Someone I know persuaded a girl dressed in a nurses uniform to blow him in the mixed restrooms for an E.

The evening got more and more fucked as we went along. Last song came up 3am I think. Light went off in my head. "How the fuck are we going to get out of here?" Outside the club, vainly looking for a black cab, when we knew we were going to end up getting an illegal gypsy cab, driven by someone more tripped out than we were. This is how we ran all the time. It was the greatest laugh, if a lot dangerous. I remember being in a club, Strawberry Alarm Clock in central London, when my old flat mate asked me, "Where am I Si?" I told him where we were. He looked at me dead serious. "No Si, where am I in the universe?" Time to go home.

Princess Diana tribute - 2

Right. Living in Hampstead, the snotty hooker next door, rumbled by the Evening Standard. Got my food, cab back from Waterloo.

I took a cab to Waterloo once, where a dispatch rider spat through the window at the cab driver, after the cabbie cut him up on the roundabout. The cabbie's response? Drove him off the road, jumped out the cab, stood over the prone cyclist, explaining to him what a dead cunt he truly was. Wiped the spit on the now terrified cyclists jersey, and hopped back in the cab.

"Sorry about that mate. Waterloo, right?"

"Yeah, thanks," I mumbled looking back through the window to check the cyclist was still moving.

"I hate cunts like that," he said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder, towards the scene of battle won.

"Yeah," I said. This was in the afternoon, broad daylight. It did seem to have got darker...

So, I was in my front room with my Burger King, chilling out from the gig. Wacthing WWE, always nice to see someone pitching while you are relaxing.

For some reason I turned on BBC 2. This was in the days before the 24 hour news cycle, they'd sent out someone to rport on Diana. Whoever it was looked terrified, I think it may have been the continuity annoucer. They had just started using the news crawl, so while he stumbled the report out as best he could, he was in direct competition with the crawl running beneath him.

He said, "We have news that Princess Diana has been badly injured."

The crawl read - Princess Diana Dead.

That's pretty badly injured I thought.

Princess Diana tribute.

The day Diana died I'd been out gigging. Got home with whatever food I could cobble together at 2am, and sat down to chill out. When I gigged Screaming Blue every Friday for a year or so, I would get the train from Wimbledon to Paddington, cop some Burger King, then join the queue of the pissed and puzzled to get a cab home.

"why didn't you gt a tube?"

Fuck off, Tubes late night on a Friday are populated by very drunk people, some of whom are the drunken bastards who poulate the night buses, who have got up too early. If you ever want to know what London truly is, pick up a night bus from King's Cross at 3am. Harry Potter, it is not

. King's Cross has come up quite a bit. When I used to get the night bus from there, you had to stay in the light of the bus stop. The further you went into the dark beyond, the lower your chance of getting out of there in one piece became.

King's Cross also has/had a kebab shop with a lemon special, which was a lemon and some hot water, to sterilize your needle. When Neil and I got kicked out of our flat:the owners came back, I was in my bathrobe, it was 2pm, went quite badly, as I remember, the people we rented from put us in tower block in King's Cross. We'd been there two days. Neil came running from an alley. "Dowdy, we have to move, right fucking now!" He'd seen someone slumped in the alley with a needle hanging out of his arm, blood pooling around the entry point. My diabetic? argument was deirded as total shite! We moved out pretty quickly.

Ended up on Netherhall Gardens in Hampstead. sounds flash, we were the poor cousins on the row. The women next door was particularly snotty, until the day the story came out in the Evening Standard about her. She was a high clas hooker, who ripped off a customer for two million plus. The story had details about paddling pools filled with mud and other women. I happened to walk past her carrying the paper. She was super nice once that story came out.

Victor Meldrew used to live on our road. You see, its ours now, fuck you scrubber! Chill out. Lovely bloke, used to wash his Merc outside his flat every Sunday. Big fan of Neil's as I remember.

I've got nowhere near the Diana story. I need breakfast and more coffee to tell it. See this as a Dickensian instalement of London life.

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Yes, that did actually happen.

I've decided to write a series of stories called Yes, that did actually happen. If I tell you a story about me is true, it is. For example, I am a second level attuned Reiki healer.

I was knocked down by a London Double Decker bus on Southampton Row, whilst I was trashed. My friend Eileen was on the other side of the road, and thought she just seen me get killed. I did blow my insurance claim by telling the first cop that turned up, "Don't blame the driver, this one's down to me. I am fucking pissed."

I did get stitched up at the hospital, then take Eileen and the guy who was with her for a kebab. I did turn up to my first date with Beth with a black eye that went from my right eye to my left ankle. I still don't remember exactly what happened, outside of the feeling that I got hit with a house.

Bless.

America declared war on the letter U along time ago. Valour, colour, humour, etc... Just so you know, our understanding of why U should be in there, is why you like our accent so much.

Hmph....

Any singer that uses auto tune, isn't one.  Enrique Iglesias, hang your head in shame. Though the tone deaf people watching your poor pitch on the Today show had a good time.

Just don't.

Obama took out birther cunter Donald Trump in a very pro comic way, knowing his order for killing Bin Laden was about to go through.Fuck with this guy on military nerve, never.

Open Mic

 A newsreader on MSNBC just reported on how Abercrombie and Fitch have offered the cast of the Jersey Shore money, to not wear their clothes, ethnically a win-win. The camera pulled away, and she said, "Crappy clothes anyway." I know you are in the shit, but my respect for you just went up 1000%

12 minutes ago · Privacy: · 

Baclofen

Today, I've taken 3 Baclofen, an anti spasming drug. I've taken one every day for the past couple of years. Usually I only need one. Today, the chill which sweeps my shoulder, just ahead of an attack is sitting like a curious snake, figuring out whether to strike or not. I think not.

Helicopter Fund.

Everyone should have a helicopter fund. Its the money you keep for yourself quietly, in case everything goes tits up, and you need an escape route. Its not a reflection on those you love, its commonsense.

Doesn't have to be a lot, bus fare will do.

I call it a helicopter fund because someone I knew years ago, actually had one. I don't think he ever got a helicopter.

Daze

You would think the weather backing off, would work a lot better with MS. What actually happens, is the rapid temperature change knocks you out, and you wake up tripped out of your mind, trying to grab the reins, as your thoughts swan dive over the cliff. Cheaper than Percocet.

Travel

I love boutique hotels, where they elevate staying somewhere to art. For the same reason, I love B and B's and cheap, shabby motels. They run true to themselves, and all get my vote. As long as the equity line doesn't sulk too much? Places like the Soho Hotel will my first choice. But, Motel 6's have a certain,"We could die here, you know," charm, all of their own.

Privacy:

Columbus

North Market Farmer's Market, load up on top local food, shrimp and Jenis, onto pistachio verra, breakfast croissants and ice coffee. All HailColumbus is missing, is a train, fire Kasich immediately, and a coastline, and I'd never move.

Performing.

In performing, it takes ego and will to get there, followed by the understanding that the only way it truly works, is when you play for the others you are with. If everyone does that, and the trust level is there? Can't be beat.

Oh.

A couple of nights ago, Stephen Colbert interviewed a guy who has written book in which he says All the best presidents America has ever had, where afflicted by manic depression. He said they were so good, because their minds ran so fast, linking up ideas that so one else was seeing. The cost was high, but the ideas were great. I watched it, and thought, ":That seems awfully familiar."

Movement

There are times when you know you are going to do something. When I first left the hospital, having been diagnosed with MS, jacked up on steroids, I limped back into the flat I was sharing with Neil. The first thing I did was get a credit card, which was unusual at the time. Neil said to me, "Why did you get that Dowdy?" I said, "Because one day. you will turn around, and I'll be gone." I knew I was leaving, I've never felt more certain of anything. I didn't know how, or when, or why, but I knew it would happen.
Then Beth and I fell in love, and the question of where we would live came up. I didn't hesitate, America.
I thought we would live in Chicago, that's where Beth had been for a few years. A place at Ohio State came up, which is why we are here. I knew nothing about Ohio, didn't know where it was. All I cared about was whether there was a Chinese in town. Didn't even know Columbus was a city, never mind the capital. Didn't care. Had no idea what I was going to do, just knew I wanted to be with Beth, wanted out of England, and jumped ship.
Its worked put really well. I love Columbus, have made very close friends, and done things I didn't dream I could do. Shakespeare for example.
Over the past few years Beth and I have gone back and forth about jumping ship again, and leaving Columbus. Its proved to be very difficult. You lot have a cool city full of great people, which costs buttons compared to the other options.
So, I don't know. If you had asked me last year, we were leaving. Right now, very happy where we are thanks. Who knows...?

Amen

Since religions don't have to disclose how they spend their money, and don't pay any tax, what about setting up The Church of Perpetual Act? I will have to get a shit suit and a bad tan. And a helicopter......

Lucky

I'm lucky, my addiction is music and words. If it'd been drugs, I'd have been dead long ago, If yours is drugs? Be careful. don't hurt anyone else, and watch out for the vultures. Not in the dictionaries, but, they are all over the universities....

Me.

In an alternative universe, there is another version of me, perfectly happy, normal job, and very healthy. Good luck to him. I like my version just fine, thanks.

My take

Those who can do. Those with the money who can't, fuck it up for those who can.

Truth.

The only reason I'm any good at what I do is that, I've fucked it up as badly as you can think of. More than once. Some fuck ups I made up myself. It is, however, the only way to learn. Can't wait for the next one. i could do with learning some thing new.

MS Work

Multiple Sclerosis is a life spent putting doors into jet black, looming walls of despair, then limping though to the light beyond. In the end its 100% attitude. Doesn't always work, I've spent months at a time in the valley of can't. Then I say, "Fuck it, I'm gonna do it anyway." Not a life I'd recommend, or wish on my worst enemy, but there is a lot of fun to be had there, you just have to want it badly enough.

oo-er

Michele Bachmann's run for the president is like watching The Fog. You keep expecting something to run screaming from a closet. Her husband. for a start.

Murdoch

If irony is our leader, Murdoch dies of a hacking cough.

Rules

As a trained comic, I have very specific rules I have to follow. The main one is to never let go at anyone who I care about who has hurt my feelings. This is because if I l give my mind, and mouth free reign, with no regret or guilt about what's coming, I will tear the person I care about to shreds. I learned how to do it when I was a kid. At school I figured out how to trapdoor a conversation, so that when the 5th line was hit, and the person who annoyed me became comfortable, I'd open the trapdoor and let them hang.

Words are power. I have frightening control over the awful. I'd much rather be nice.

Reality

i'm loved working in Romeo and Juliet. I got to work with exactly who I wanted, and watch something truly special build. Last night tonight, which is probably the last time i'll ever do outdoor Shakespeare. The physical cost is too high. Its a very MS'y thing, just as I feel I've begun to understand, and do well at something, the bell tolls, and I know I have to go.

This time I have a lot of other things lined up, not so physically taxing, that I can learn. I walked from playing when I lost feeling my hands, and became a comic. When I had to walk from comedy, I hid in shakespeare. Now I have to leave the Bard, who taught me an awful lot. My hands now work, and I'm ready to run shows I've wirtten. Teaching too, and voice over work. Lets see how that goes.

Oh

Does it bother anyone, that its 2011, and we've decided to retire from space? Never did get our jetpacks, or our electric cars. Did give the cunts all the money, and go broke.

Book of Dowd stuff

People of skill, who work hard, have a tendency to be fucked over by those of little to no skill, who's only work is making themselves look good.


Winning comes, when you've lost enough times, and know better.

Liar Liar

 Your eyes, bleed lies 

Your face, leaks pies 

You're a big, fat, liar, liar

liar, liar, liar, liar 

and you know you are.


Where's the money I lent you? 
Let me guess,you forgot.
So absent minded
I'ts cost me quite a lot.


What happened to the table?
It didn't break itself
Like the ghost and the mouse
That destroyed the house
spraying plates off the shelf.

Your magazines are very obscene

 A little too much

 If you know what I mean

You say there not yours

And you found them there

 but that's your ginger, pubic hair.

 Falling as a crux to a tragic tale

Take a deep breath

You are going to jail

Flash Mob at Cape Cod Stop and Shop

4th of Ju-die

You cannot legally buy fireworks in Ohio or Illinois. You can in indiana. On the border between Ohio and Indiana, and Indiana and Illinois, stand two huge firework warehouses, Shelton Fireworks, stuffed to the brim with highly explosive fun. You buy your fireworks there, and hope you don't get pulled by the police as you drive into the state of your choice.

Beth and I decided we'd pick some up yesterday, to take ut to Leslie's farm for some 4th of july fun. I honestly thought it would be a couple of oohs and aahs, nothing heavy. The clue should have been the biker gangs loading up from the warehouse. Second clue, they come in large boxes. You set light to the whole box, and clear. If you've done it, you know what comes next, bright light apocalypse. Unbelievable, its a full blown professional show in a box. We bought 5 of them. Ian walked around with the kids lighting these things. We sat in chairs oohing and aahing and laughing.

Then one of them fell sideways.

It paused briefly, set, and came straight at us. Screaming adults, moved faster than they expected, hiding behind the cars. Mindy's voice went up, "Where are the kids???!!! Kid's had sensibly cleared from the path. We all laughed really hard, and went on setting the more powerful fireworks, ending on one called the Finale. Good god. wow.

Then the kid's lit up and ton of sparklers, and did a Pagan war dance. The difference between England and America? English mums would say, "Be careful, they are very hot!" American's "Spin! Spin! While singing the theme from Dambusters."

I haven't laughed so hard, or been so briefly terrified, ever. Proper USA display, finishing with the immortal line:

"Well, nobody's dead. Cool show!"

I love the midwest.

Bully karma - Lyrics

Here you come 

With your beer and your belly

Yelling all the lines

You learned off telly

When you were younger

King of the school

Try that now

You'll look like a fool

Cos, I don't give a fuck

Who you think you are

Now I know exactly what you are

Low self esteem

And a fucking bad attitude

A toxic, noxious, gurgling, useless

Dripping, jam rag, piece of shit!!!

In your mum's basement

All alone

No friends left

And a silent phone

All that's left is a lonely death

Strap yourself in

And take your last breath.

Cos, I don't give a fuck,,,,,,,,,,

fireberks

Brown Bag. Full of out of towners here for Red White and Boom, a fireworks display which shows to a million plus, downtown. Its a fucking sandwich! Order, and fuck off, you're making my teeth itch! Enjoy the shiny lights. No, its not the rapture...

Solution

For the repressed right wing, who hate themselves, and make life difficult for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. Get the cock you've been dreaming of down you, and shut the fuck up. We'll all feel better, and you get to cum. Win, win.

School Reunion

Your opportunity to see how the cool kids you hated, ate and inflated, and flushed their lives down the real world toilet

Odds.

Deciding to play, when  you know you can't win, is incredibly empowering.

Dog Fish

Abbey loves her salmon treats. They smell! They are in her nose long before they get to her mouth. Her favourite. Not a technique that works on a lady. Clean yourself up, you dirty twat!

Sleep

I wanted to thank all those people who've approached me recently, pointing out that I barely seem to sleep at all. You are all absolutely right. I'm barely slept at all, for years. I'm now sleeping a lot better, 5 hours a night or so. The crux came when Emily told me that she really only feels right after 8 hours sleep. Initially I thought, "What you talking about, Bach?"

On reflection, you are all absolutely right, and I will work towards the eight. I may never get there,  but I now understand the difference proper rest makes.

Art

True art, asks one question of the observer, "what does this make you feel?" True artists, leave space for the observer to find their own answer. If you're asking yourself, "Why did he put that up? " Job done.

Flow, I think.

Christian and I spent a month and a half, figuring out the mechanics of The apothecary scene. We are still making adjustments as it runs. We perform the scene, which is getting better and better as it goes. Truth is, after I walk off the stage I can't remember what it was that happened. The only time I've encountered this before is hitting perfect flow doing stand up. If so, this is the first time I've ever hit it acting.

Death by posh Ball. Fun!

You get well paid. The girls look great, decked out in the ball dresses. The blokes stand in ball suits, the first people going down when the revolution comes. I've played the poshest gigs possible in England, theOxford / Cambridge May Ball circuit. Very smart people, or idiots, whose daddy did rather well. I loved playing these gigs. You had no idea how they would go.

Cambridge: In a room, where you could hear the stage hypnotist's act outside. I still don't know how that one went.

Oxford: Noel James sticking the microphone into the speakers. Massive feedback. He then stared down a room of terrified posh kids, with immortal line, "I'm fucking Jimi Hendrix I am!"

Cambridge: The sound drenched in so much reverb, I played it as a Marley gig.

Then, there was that Oxford gig:

My mate Sam used to book these gigs. He, his now wife Nicola and I rolled up with every expectation it would work. I was MC, Sam was doing 20, and we had Miles Crawford to headline. How could it go wrong?

Very quickly, it turned out.

The gig was outside in a tent, bad. 200 over priviliged, drunken hoorays were dancing the night away, to a disco we were about to shut off, for COMEDY. Worse. miles Crawford was nowhere to be found. Sensible.

The music died, I walked on to sulking posh kids, who were already missing their dancing. They'd sat down on the white plastic chairs that littered the tent. The floor was covered in beer. One by one the chairs started to collapse. One leg would shoot up, followed by an airborne hooray. i was having a great time. I was the only one.

I upset the Oxford rugby team by claiming that they had formed a blowjob daisychain, outside the tent. As I say, I was having a hoot.

Then, a very posh girl lost it. She stood by the stage, and projected some very inventive swearing at me. I paused, then said

"I understand what your problem is. You sat in front of that mirror all day. Stare, stare, stare, stare, and Snow White is still the fairest of them all."

She replied:

"Are you calling me a fucking witch!"

I said:

"I'm just saying I wouldn't buy an apple from you Now, go and sit down with the blowjob rugby boys and shut the fuck up."

At this point, having thrown the room into the abyss, I brought Sam on. He did aright, well they hated him a lot less than me. More chairs collapsed. more beer hit the floor. No sign of Miles.

Sam comes off, and we decide to kill the gig, before it kills us. Music comes back on. Those who can still stand, dance.

Miles arrives. He looks around the tent of death. He walks up to me and says, " Let me guess Dowdy. You stood, smiled, then said the worst thing you could possibly think of."

We got paid. Miles gave me a lift home. Gig.

Affirmation

Try not to doubt yourself, there is always some idiot making that mistake for you.


You already own the most powerful machine that exists, your mind. The decision you have to make is whether to use that power to build you, or destroy you. It will do both, equally effectively.

Comfest

Comfest, the hippy halloween. Girls walking around in skimpy clothes, boner hippy style, blokes sporting enough ink to write The Book of Kells, and some girls walking around bare chested. more empowering than sexual, and to honest the boobs that want to parade are rarely the one's you are desperate to see. Props, and nipples out, though. And I nearly got arrested. Needed a pee walking to Knead, figured, I'll just go up a side street. Set to go, looked to my left, and saw two cops in a squad car. Changed my mind, ran though Knead, and peed the pee of the just, and un-arrested. Beth and Aimee saw it happen, and stood working out if they had enough money to bail me out.

Had a fantastic dinner at Knead, which may be a little expensive, but is excellent, drank cocktails, came home and passed out. job done.

Form

Things are beginning to drop into place. After Romeo and Juliet finishes, I'll be helping teach in Raconteur's summer theatre classes. Then, I'm going to teach a class for Mark's students called Front End Performance Skills. Amy Talbott and I have discussed teaching a class called Improv For actor's Who Hate improv. Rhonda and I are looking to perform a Xmas show, and I'm going to do some gigs for mary Miller. I've been line editing with Patsy B on her stand up documentary. In the New Year, I'm going to put my show The Book of Dowd into Madlab. About time

Mind Change.

When i was running as a comic in London, I started to do particularly well. I was resident compere for Screaming Blue Murder, subbed for Lee Hurst at his club, and was having a whale of a time. I could only perform 2 or 3 times a week, as my MS would cripple me for 2 days after I performed. I didn't care. This was where I was destined to be. Then, Screaming Blue offered me the compere slot for their Edinburgh gig. I knew this was the gig that was going to push me onto where I wanted to go. I got sicker, and finally had to say no. It broke my heart, and I quit performing for 3 years.

Just ahead of quitting, I'd met Beth, the love of my life, and decided to get married and move to America. Some of me was glad to get out of England, I wouldn't have to face what had happened any more.

Then, I started doing Shakespeare, partly because I couldn't figure out how people were doing it (work), and because I figured in a cast of 12 I could hide, and still perform. I got good at it. Hiding no longer an option. I tried to quit a number of times, but my friends kept finding ways for me to be able to perform. They made me realize that I don't have to do it all on my own, that people are always willing to help. Thank you.

Conclusion?  I've worked out how to do what I was put here to do. And I'm ready.

Sexual Politics

Men

If you are not giving your lady an orgasm, you are wasting her time. She love's you, but quietly can't stand you.

Solution?

Take your best female friends out, buy them all the food and drink they want. Ask one question:

"What do women want in bed?"

Sit back, shut the fuck up, and listen.

Women.

Blow him. We are that easy, and don't need to be in the mood.

For those girls who find the idea of it disgusting, buy a cat. You are going to end up alone.

Armour

STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCK! For my gay and lesbian brother's and sisters. Print this on a t-shirt as amour against right wing religio nazi's (privately unsure of what side of the cock or vagina they stand.)

2 minutes ago · Privacy: ·  · 

I could do that.......no, you can't.

Front end work. Watching Mary, Rhonda and Charlie pitch yesterday, was a real pleasure. True stand-ups have spent years learning how to make the near impossible look easy. every now and again at a party some one will front up saying how they've looked at stand-up, they are funny, and it looks easy. Here's what I said, to one of these fools. "Stand up win everyone around you in10 seconds. Keep them focused for 20 minutes. Have them laughing or giigling every 10 seconds of the 20 minutes. Have a through line, and end wrapping everything together. Do it right now." He said."Oh...." We spend a lot of time making this shit look easy.

Home

Top evening at the Funnybone watching Mary, Rhonda and Charlie . i love knocking around with comics, its like coming home, The 3 double Jack daniels and coke's didn't hurt. Also, chatted with Kristina Kopf, who i hadn't seen for ages, and Patsy, and met Ken, who is in Tool or Die with Jeff Gage, who taught in carolyn harding's class a few years ago. Top evening. Hang over ahoy

Musical influence

This morning I've been listening to Adam and The Ants, who were huge in England when I was seven. We loved the videos,and all danced around to them and Madness, and The Specials. As I've got older, I reaslise I was exposed to punk baroque, ska and top rock music when I was young enough to absorb it like a sponge.The music education English kid's get is stunning.

The difference between an English kid's exposure to music and an American's, is that the american kid's bands have space to breathe, whereas the English bands are constantly being influenced by the influences that surround them. Both ways are excellent, the English way is a lot more full on.

What I mean is an American kid's ear is trained to ride the emotion, in the space their band's allow them, an English kid learns to find the emotion in the busy multi faceted tunes their bands are trained in. Not always the case for the american kid, Detroit techno bring a good example.

Both sets of kids are looking to do the same thing, let the music breathe through them.

There is no such thing as a one hit wonder. What you hear is the moment that a band's work transcends, and hits perfect flow. some only hit it once, listen to their work, and you can see the journey they were on to get there. All artists are looking to do this. Its nigh on impossible and makes you completely obsessive, I can't think of living any other way.