Yes, that did actually happen.

I've decided to write a series of stories called Yes, that did actually happen. If I tell you a story about me is true, it is. For example, I am a second level attuned Reiki healer.

I was knocked down by a London Double Decker bus on Southampton Row, whilst I was trashed. My friend Eileen was on the other side of the road, and thought she just seen me get killed. I did blow my insurance claim by telling the first cop that turned up, "Don't blame the driver, this one's down to me. I am fucking pissed."

I did get stitched up at the hospital, then take Eileen and the guy who was with her for a kebab. I did turn up to my first date with Beth with a black eye that went from my right eye to my left ankle. I still don't remember exactly what happened, outside of the feeling that I got hit with a house.