Up. Coffee. Banana. My blood is now re-infused with the soldiers I need to help to keep detente in my nervous system. Its not a perfect system, its takes a couple of days to settle, is bizzare if you think too hard about it and offers respite rather than a silver bullet fix. Having had my umpteenth 11th hour speech I finally realize I have work I have to do, rather than being satisfied with the comfort that my infusion plan undeniably offers. It has opened the window of opportunity its up to me what I do with it.
I've known this as since I was twenty. I have been told what the dreadful options are. I spent two decades working against the inevitable, performing when I could, paying the price as I went, recovering and then going back and doing it again. The difference now is that I don't feel the need to throw myself against the wall quite so much to do what I want. I know now I'm not giving up, which I believed with all my heart before, I want to play the 11th hour with an eye to extending it as long as I can. I love writing, which I stupidly saw as a failure for years. So, 11th hour, round? Whatever,. Lets play a little differently, see how that goes.
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