Reconstruction

What I seem to be doing is reconstructing myself by wrote. I wake up every day and cannot feel my hands, legs, arms or feet. The hands I'm used to, I haven't felt them for 20years or so. Its like permanently wearing a pair of gloves. Years ago, when I couldn't feel them at all. You could place a coin in the palm of hand and I wouldn't know it was there. I did save a ton of money, as I couldn't sign my name for 2 months. Currently my body collapses as it likes, though I'm getting a better sense of it as I go along. Its improved, I spent 2009 spasming 30-40 times a day. So, how to improve my lot? I've found posting music helps. It reconfigures my mind into a good place, and everything seems to limp along after it.
This may sound terrible, but its been avery interesting run. I've had to look at the worst things you can think of, and found that life is a lot more beautiful than most people give it credit for. Perpetually living on the edge of the abyss shows the beauty around you more clearly than you can imagine. You can also spot bullshit at a thousand yards. i'm becoming content with my lot. Took 20 years, and it will still piss me off, but overall I find the world a fascinating place to limp through.