Selling the loss.

Last night I went to an improv drop in, where students, improvisers from different teams, anyone who is interested into improvisation, come together. We were assigned different teams and spent a couple of hours playing different games. It was the first time I'd been on stage for more than two years. I was a little shaky, my fault as i was recovering from the mimosas of the afternoon. Joe Teeters, who organized the night gave me his arm to lean on, to make sure i made the stage without tanking it.
Once there I remembered just how much I love doing improv and had a total hoot. Improv freaks some performers out, they think they have to be immediately hilarious and turn themselves inside out, aiming for the perfect laugh. Thats not how it works. Improv works when everyone ditches ego, plays for who they're with on stage with and trusts something is coming, looking for a way out.
. I settled into last night by royally screwing up the first game I was given to run. It got funnier as I flannelled my way through, digging my way out.
 I knew I could do stand up when I learned how to sell the loss. I knew I could get the laugh if the joke worked, and if it fell to dust in front of me. Thats why i love improv so much. I know the rules, and play the truth as best I see it. If it goes sideways? I commit, and play that. Cheers Joe, I really needed that.

Sleepless

Tonight, like last night, is not sleep filled. The return of the King is plodding its way to Frodo's victory on the telly. I still have trouble with the dire crappy, clappy, meaningful looky, bed bouncing bit, but its a really good film. I watched Wisconsin v Arizona earlier on. Superb game, made even better by the fact that I bet Wisconsin to win the title.
I then spent the past few hours watching music documentaries online. I watched the Captain Beefheart documentary, which wetted my appetite for the Syd Barrett documentary i found. I'm currently listening to a Joy Division concert in Amsterdam 1980. Its on the blog, as I discovered I could post stuff from youtube. Late, but you will get to see the gigs I find, that I really like.
Too early for coffee? Well its way too late for the snow over the cars out the front, yet its there.
 The house got freaky a couple of hours ago when I heard noises. Under the floor, in the walls, in the rooms upstairs? I couldn't tell. I grabbed a cane and walked the house, ready to, I teach whatever it was how to walk….?  Didn't find anything, and the noise stopped. Coffee.
Actually, no coffee and some much needed sleep. Win.

Joy Division - Live in Amsterdam 1980

I Wrote For Luck

The coffee night rolls on, with no sign of ending. I listened to a few of Richard Herring's Leicester Square podcasts. The last one was with Alexi Sayle, excellent. I love hearing comics talking about the mechanics and the reality of what they do. I've been through the MS snit of' "I can fucking do that!' and I now enjoy examining how the job is done, despite the fact that it is unlikely I will ever do it again. Bollocks. If I get the chance, I'm definitely going to do it.
 The one I know is over, is acting. I cannot physically trust myself to do what is needed. I'm not even that upset, I knew it was something that would come to an end, and I enjoyed it while I could.
I'm just beginning to realize that living under the threat of certain death, I read the warning for Tysabri again, is actually quite freeing. I'm beginning to put myself back in some sort of physical order, turns out exercising is really good. I'm late to that party, and I've only bought a bag of crisps, not a potluck. I'm still happy to be here, and I'll enjoy all the other food people bought with them, with no guilt whatsoever.
I'm lucky, I always find something else to do, and I've built a skill set that I can move around. To do what exactly? No idea, but it'll turn up.

Coffee Error.

Earlier last night, I wrote to Stewart, who I was supposed to meet and told him, "Fade is imminent, bed I think." That's the last thing I remember, until I woke up on the couch at 11:45. I presumed I'd slept through until morning, and drank a couple of cups of coffee. Bugger me am I awake!
The Kentucky/Louisvillle game was on. I had Louisville in my brackets. I say had, as they got robbed at the death. A fantastic game, though my reputation as a betting genius is just about done. Come on Wisconsin!
I read that Nicolas Cage has a religious film coming out in October, Left Behind. Clearly the producers have never seen Bad Lieutenant Port Of Call New Orleans. A fantastic film, but I think he would have been left behind. "Till the break of dawn!" top line, but not what Jesus would do.

Summary.

I'm up, having drunk a couple of cups of coffee I made at 12:30am. I knew that sleep was not coming, so I started looking for something to watch,  John Leguizamo has a new one man show on HBO which is excellent.  I really like the relentless honesty of his shows, no matter the cost. So, here are a few things about me that are true.
When i was diagnosed with MS I figured I had until I was 30 at best, that I would be crippled and checked out, sometime before then.
 I kept doing stand up, figuring I may as well go out on a burn. The fear which all stand ups have before performing was gone, replaced by the fear that I wouldn't be able to walk on stage, or stand there. Once I got behind the mic, I had a whale of a time and everything went well.
I paid for every performance with a day in bed and I didn't care. As things began to take off, I realized that I couldn't do the amount of work that was necessary for me to get to where I wanted. I didn't care for the longest time, I was doing really well, whilst only being able to do half the gigs I should. I was drinking heavily whilst doing this, out on a burn tight?
The drinking was the reason I got knocked down by a double decker bus. After my eye was stitched up, I took the two friends who had come to the hospital with me to a kebab house. I don't know who was more horrified, them, or the guys behind the counter.
It was at this time Beth and I went out for a drink, which became a date, which ended up with us being married and living in America. This was the thing which dragged me back from the precipice. I was mentally checking out before I met Beth, I figured I was done, it was only a matter of time. I still thought my time was limited, but it  was amazing.
I knew comedy was done when I quit out of Screaming Blue Murder's Edinburgh show. I wanted it so badly, and I knew I could not physically do it.  I quit comedy entirely, and drank my way through, until I could bail for America.
I ended up in Columbus with no clue where I was, and no idea of what to do. I saw an Improv class, thought I've done improv over the years, and went. It was great and I began meeting people and performing again.
I then saw an advert in the Dispatch for Shakespeare in the park. I didn't know how the hell you did that, so I decided to audition. I got two plays, and said something to the person who rang to give me the good  news I would never say again. "Well, they're your plays.."
I then spent my time acting, which I really enjoyed. Then things began to collapse, and I couldn't trust that I could even walk across a stage. so I quit. Just as well i did, as things got so bad I had to relearn how to walk, twice.
Having never taken any drugs for my MS I was presented with a choice, a potentially lethal monthly infusion, or a wheelchair. I should have checked out years ago, so I figured, infusion it is.
It works really well. My walking is a lot better.
What next? I am going to keep on taking my monthly risk and keep walking. I have a fitbit, and I'm up to three miles a day. Then……dunno, I'm sure something will come up.

Learning Limited

Universities in England are now shops, selling the idea you may be clever or rich enough to go through. I know that America has always been like this. Its why Europeans always looked at your education system with a " Ah….bless!' take. We saw you could buy yourself a sort of education, though most of the money seemed to be going on stadiums and stuff, not learning.

 England gave you education if you wanted it a didn't bankrupt you. It was a bit grubby, didn't have the facilities, but the education came first. That is now over. When you charge for education it becomes a product you buy, and nothing else. This isn't to say you will not learn anything, you will just never feel comfortable, or get out from under the debt it saddled you with.